Where da flag?

Hey ref, where da flag? Dat guy was all over me! He was roughing me up!
Man, that's bullshit! I want a flag. How could I possibly catch da ball with his hands in my face? You needs to open your eyes, because I was held.

I'm going to watch The Grinch.


I just LOVE the Jim Carrey version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, it soooo delightful. I remember when I first saw in the theatres on Thanksgiving, I couldn't stop laughing. It's SOOOOO much better than out dated cartoon of the 60s. That version sucks! It doesn't bother to explain why the Grinch hates Christmas so much. I never understood why he hated Christmas! Thankfully, the Jim Carrey version leaves no stone unturned and explains everything within the first five minutes. Did I mention its directed by the brilliant Ron Howard? That guy is my favorite director! He is infinitely better than that hack Spielberg!
The part that always touches me the most in The Grinch is when he comes to his sense and realizes Christmas is a truly wonderful thing. I always get a tear in my eye.
I must have seen this movie at least 100 times. I watch at least 10 times during the month of December. Well, time to watch this masterpiece of masterpieces.
And if I have time I think I will pop in the joyful Polar Express. I love the "Hot Chocolate" musical number.

Where's my burrito?

I've seem to lost my burrito. Where did it go? I left it right on this table when I got up to get some hot sauce. Now it is gone! Did some vandal steal it?I sure hope not! Who would want to break into my apartment to steal a burrito? Did my dog eat it? Unlikely, since I don't have a dog. Where did it go? This is quite the mystery. Maybe it's underneath my couch. I shall look. Yup, there it is.
MMMMM burrito.

That Jessica Simpson digital cable commercial is so funny!

Have you seen that digital cable commerical in which Jessica Simpson plays Daisy Duke and talks about how you are missing out if you don't have digital cable? You know the one I mean, it ends with her saying, "I don't know what it is, but I totally want it." That commerical! It's so funny! Jessica Simpson is such a great actress! First she made Dukes of Hazzard, then the delightful Employee of the Month and now this uproarous commercial. Is there anything she can't do? I think not! Singer and actress in one, that's quite a talent. Wow! I think Jessica and her sister Ashlee need to make a movie together. If the Duff sisters can make a movie, then surely the Simpson sisters can too.

This movie based off a true story, therefore it is automatically good. How can you possibly hate something that really happened? Last week my friend and I watched Patch Adams and I thought it was sooooo good, but my friends said it was crap. I told them it was based off a true story, therefore it couldn't be bad. They told me mostly everything in the movie was made up, I was appalled by their lies. Why would filmmakers bastardize the truth? What would they have to gain by doing such a terrible thing? To quote Jean Luc Godard..or was it Francois Truffaut...film is "24 truths a second," or something like that. I don't know, but I do know that anything film based on true events is automatically a good movie and if you hate the truth, then you hate life. That's my opinion, now I think I will watch the historically accurate film Pocahantas.

My apartment is haunted.
Last night I heard weird noises come from the kitchen in my apartment and came to conclusion that it is haunted. Now, there is no history of murder in my apartment, no one else has reported anything out of the ordinary, but I am convinced it is haunted. If you do not believe my apartment is haunted, then you are closed minded. I am open minded, therefore I am more susceptible to ghosts and other paranormal activities.
One time, I saw an alien eating Taco Bell and when I told my friend he said it wasn't an alien, just a college student with a mohawk. Closed minded fascist! Why don't people believe me? Why can't people believe! I think they need to watch the Polor Express and listen to lyrics to that one song, "If you just believe." That's a good movie!

Maybe the Bears aren't for real!

After watching the Chicago Bears lose to the Miami Dolphins on Sunday it has dawned on me that maybe, just maybe the Bears aren't for real. I mean let's face it they've had a pretty easy schedule up to this point and the next few weeks are going to be tough on them. It's one thing to score 41 points against the 49ers, but I highly doubt they will be able to put up such numbers against teams like the Giants, Patriots, and the Rams. They're still a good football team, but I don't think they have what it takes to win the Super Bowl. I'll wait and see what Tony Kornheiser has to say about the Bears, he is after all an expert. He's the one who called them a "team of destiny" after their win against the Cardinals on Monday Night Football. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused!

It's time to kick off the Christmas season!

Christmas is just around the corner, which means it times to kick off the Christmas season. I think I will begin the season by taking the children to see Santa Clause 3; it looks so delightful. The first two Santa Clause films were so cute. It might be a good idea to watch the first two films before I see the third one. I don't want to go into Santa Clause 3 and not be able to follow the narrative. I love Christmas. My favorite Christmas memory is seeing The Grinch on Thanksgiving with my family. That movie was sheer joy from beginning to end. I love Jim Carrey. I already put up my Christmas decorations and I've been listening to Manheim Steamroller for the last three days. I love Manheim Streamroller, their Christmas albums are sooooo good. Oh look, the Coke cans with Santa on them are on the shelves. I think I'll buy at least seven or eight 12 packs. This is going to be one awesome Christmas!

Let's go clubbing


We totally got to hit the clubs and pick up some babes. It will be awesome! I have it all figured out, we will walk up to a group of hotties and start groping them, pretending that it's all part our dance routine. They will totally get horny and we will totally score. It will be cool. C'mon let's go clubbing, I guarantee we will get laid. And if we don't at least we can cop a feel. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I remember one time I went clubbing, I saw this angelic babe in a small, tight uniform dancing on a platform, so I pretended to lose my footing and my hand "accidentally" touched her breasts. It was cool. Then she was like, "Watch it jerk!" I apologized and went on to the dance floor and "accidentally" grabbed a few women's asses. Ha Ha! I told my friends about it the next day while playing Final Fantasy VIII, they were so jealous. Then I came to the horrible realization that it was all dream. I didn't go clubbing! I didn't grope any unsuspecting women! It was one big DREAM! I was so depressed. My lone goal in life is to clubbing, I got to make this one dream come true! I got to! I just go to or else my life is empty, much like the awful Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.

It's unanimous: The Marine is the greatest movie of all time.

Last night I saw The Marine with my bros and we all agreed that it was the greates movie of all time. I had not been this impressed with a movie since Walking Tall starring The Rock. John Cena was AWESOME! He was one major bad ass; I sure hope there is a sequel in the works, because I really need to see more adventures starring the Marine. And the chick who played his wife, she was HAWT! And best all, it had that one dude from Terminator 2 as the head villain. He's one mean bro! If you're looking for a great film that is both deep and exciting, The Marine is for you.

The DaVinci Code LIED TO ME!

After seeing the trailer for the upcoming The Passion of the Christ prequel The Nativity Story, I realized that I was deceived by The DaVinci Code. Satan in the form of Tom Hanks, Ron Howard and Dan Brown made me have doubts about the virgin birth and the resurrection. The DaVinci Code made me question the bible and my faith. I was a lost soul, until I saw the trailer forThe Nativity Story. Thanks to that trailer my faith in Jesus has been restored, Hallelujah! Praise be to God! I decided to celebrate my restored faith by watching The Passion of the Christ and if there's time afterwards maybe I'll read the scriptures.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bears are for real.
The Chicago Bears last night victory over the Arizona Cardinals proved once and for all that they are for real. They were losing 20-0 at half time, but some how they found a way to win. And that's what good teams do, they find a way to win. Granted, the Bears offense contributed nothing to the game, but that's besides the point. You don't need a good offense, when you have a good defense. The Bears defense found a way to win and that's what good defenses do. When your offense is struggling, your defense has to give them a helping hand and that's what the Bears did. They found away to win. I repeat they found a way to win. Just in case you didn't hear me the first five times: THEY FOUND A WAY TO WIN! Got it? The Bears are the real deal and they are here to stay. However, in the words of the immortal Mike Holmgren, "WE'RE NOT DONE YET!"

I hate George W. Bush, therefore I am a good person.

I hate George W. Bush. He's a Nazi! Anybody who supports Bush is a horrible person, where as I am a good person. I don't believe in war, I'm for peace and love. Bush hates peace! He hates peace, because peace is something you can't tax, man. He hates love, because love has no price tag. What ever Bush can't buy he hates.
I oppose Bush, which makes me one righteous dude.
Yesterday, I saw a minority on the street and gave him a dollar. I told him it must be hard living in poverty. He told me that he didn't need my dollar and that he was working a full time job. I admired his courage and optimism; here was a man living at the bottom of the barrel and yet he refused my assistance. He wanted to make it on his own. Wow, what an inspiration. However, I insisted that he keep the dollar and walked away feeling good about myself. I'd like to think I am making a difference in this world. You don't see Bush and his mindless supporters wanting to make a difference. They represent death, where as my liberal colleagues and I represent life. Look, another minority! I better take care of him, because he can't take care of himself. Hey minority let me buy you a dinner! No, don't run away, I want to help you. WAIT! I wonder why they keep refusing my help!
Look at the time, I got to be at an anti-war rally in fifteen minutes. Look out Bush, the revolution is here! Viva la Revolution!

The five worst movies of all time by Random IMDB User

1. Dr. Stragelove - Tis movie is so gay. I did not get that scene in which that guy rides bomb. STUPID. The box said it was a comedy, but I did nawt laugh once. Give me Little Nicky instead, that movie is hilarious.

2. King Kong (the stupid old one) This movie suckd. It's efect were not as good as the Peter Jackzon verzion. I was so disappointed.

3. Gremblins - This movie needs to be remade with computer effects. I hat puppet effects ,there not as cool as computers.

4. The Godfather - SNOOOZE! It was no Scarface. This movie is boring. Not enough action and blood, not to mention nudity. I didn't even make it to the end.

5. Jaws - wtf? This movie sooooo bad. I mean, it was like a poor man's Deep Blue Sea! That movie was awesome. The sharks in that movie were BAD ASS, like Vince Vauhn. The shark in Jaw was so fake. I mean, it sucked. I kept laughing at how stupid it looked. WTF? I mean seriously, waht the fuk?

Note: The opinions expressed by Random IMDB user are not those of this blog.

Hey, what's up? I just read your profile. You sound pretty cool, lol. I see that you like heavy metal, I also like heavy metal. We have so much in common, lmao. We should hang out some time, rofl. I see you like movies about vampires, I like them too :) We should get together and watch some vampire movie, lol. I hope to hear from you soon ;)

That's nawt funny!

Hey bro, leave those babes alone! You're NAWT funny! Do you see any one laughing? No one's laughing! Why is no one laughing? Cause you're NAWT funny! OK bro, just back away from those babes, before me and my three bros kick your ass. Hey, what did I just say dude? Don't worry babes will take care of you. We'll teach this fucker a thing or two about manners.
HEY DUDE, YOU'RE NAWT FUNNY! Stop acting like you are funny, cause you're not. No one in this restaurant thinks you are being funny. No one. Do you understand English? You're no Jack Sparrow man.

If you wondering why I have not updated my blog in two months, it's because I have not had the interet since early July. I finally got the Internet last week, but my computer went to shit on me, so I had to have it fixed. My wonderful brother-in-law Byron got my computer running again, but then I found I couldn't couldn't access the Internet. So I called Time Warner today and now as you can see, I have the Internet. Isn't that great? I thought so.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest was not the bad ass film I was expecting it to be.

Last night, I put on my best pirate outfit and went to see the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I loved the first film SO MUCH! I remember I saw the first film three weeks after it came out after hearing good things from my best friend. I went and was pleasantly surprised. I loved the film so much that I saw it five times in the theatre and bought anything that had Johnny Depp's face pasted on it. When I heard about the sequel, I was psyched. I HAD to see the midnight show. You're not a true Pirates fan, unless you go to the midnight show. I decided I would go to the midnight show dressed up as a pirate, so I went to a costume store and bought a pirate outfit. I was amazed at how many people dressed up. I arrived three hours early and spent most of the time hitting on a group of busty maidens. One maiden gave me her number and later on we walked the deck, if you know what I mean. Ha Ha!

Midnight finally came; after waiting three hours the opening credits began to roll. There were enthusiastic cheers and applause from the audience. A few people even cracked a few jokes in the first couple of minutes. Then the first hour rolled by, so far I wasn't impressed by what I was seeing. It's not that it was bad; it just wasn't the same experience I had with the first film. However, it is a two and a half hour film, which gives it plenty of time to improve. Then another half hour rolled by; it seemed like an eternity. I kept checking my watch, it was 1:30, which meant I had another hour to go. "Maybe it will pick up in the last hour," I said to myself. It didn't. I got so bored with the film, that I went out for a cigarette. What happened? The first Pirates was bad ass, this one was just bad. I mean...it wasn't bad, it had it's good points, but compared to the wonderful original it didn't live up to my standards. After seeing Dead Man's Chest, I don't have any desire to see the third Pirates of the Caribbean.

I need to get laid! But, when it comes to women I am completely clueless. How does one get laid? I've tried everything, but to no avail. Yesterday, I walked up to a girl and said, "Do you want to have sex?" She then laughed at me for minutes. Then her girlfriends show up, she told them what I said and they all laughed at me for five minutes. It was rather humiliating! What do I have to do to get laid?
Earlier today, I bought a girl a tray of nachos, convinced that she would reward this kind gesture with a trip to the bedroom. Sadly, she walked into the movie and sat down next to some tall, round headed muscular guy who kept calling her "dude." I got so mad that from the exit door I yelled, "BITCH!" and then ran away! Why can't I get laid?
Even when I have offered to pay for sex, I have failed. I once approached a hooker, gave her $200, she got in my car, pushed me out the door and drove off! Not only was I out $200, but I had no mode of transportation; consequently I was fired from my job. Boy, does my life suck! It does suck! And it's not the kind of sucking I want! DAMN IT!

If my life were a movie, I would probably have gotten laid at this point in my life. Even Jason Biggs got laid! If Jason Biggs can get laid, why can't I?

Uwe Boll is a jack ass!

I read this on IMDB:

Filmmaker Challenges Critics to All-Out Brawl
German horror director Uwe Boll is so fed up with receiving bad reviews from movie critics he is challenging his detractors to a filmed fight. Boll, whose movies Alone In The Dark and House Of The Dead are based on video games, says he will fly his critics to meet him and will then fight them in a boxing ring. The filmmaker is incensed by an online petition which has 13,327 signatures of people asking him to stop making movies. Boll, who has also invited Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino to join his fight, plans to air the fights on the internet. He the plans to edit clips into his latest film Postal. Boll says, "I'm fed up with people slamming my films without seeing them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films. If critics want to bring Uwe Boll down, here is their chance to physically bring him down and have the entire world watch them do it."

I really hope some one takes this no-talent douche clown up on his offer. It would be so awesome to see Leonard Maltin and Roger Ebert do a tag team match against Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll must be stopped at all COSTS!