My interview with a Female






I recently had the distinct privilege of interviewing a member of the female sex, it was a rather enlightening moment in my life, for she revealed many things that I did not know about women.
Here is the interview reprinted in it's entirety:

Goggins: So what's up?
Female: Nothing much!

(awkward silence)

Goggins: So....uh.......yeah....ummm do you like football?
Female: Not really! I'm not into sports.
Goggins: Oh, well, neither am I.

(awkward silence)

Goggins: So what are you into?
Female: I like music. I'm currently the lead singer in a punk band.
Goggins: Oh, what's the name of your band?
Female: The Virginal Vixens!
Goggins: Wow, that's sounds awesome.
Female: Yeah, we're playing at Combustible Diner this weekend. It's a coffeehouse in Milwaukee.
Goggins: Oh really, maybe I will attend.
Female: You should come, it will be loads of ufn.
Goggins: Yeah.........

(awkward silence)

Goggins: Do you have a boyfriend?
Female: No.
Goggins: Can I interest you in a movie?
Female: Sure, why not?
Goggins: YESSSSSS!
Female: Can I bring my girlfriends, they really want to see Harry Potter?
Goggins: Uhhhhhhh..............sure, I guess.
Female: Oh joy, this will be a good time.
Goggins: Yeah, it will be great.
Female: Well, I got to go. It will nice talking to you Mr. Gogans. Bye!
Goggins: Bye!

That is how my interview went. The next day I saw Harry Potter with the women and her lady friends, they talked incessantly through out the movie, but not loud enough so I could hear them. Every time, they suspected I was listening (which I wasn't) they would stop their conversation for a second and watch the movie. When they felt the coast was clear, they would start talking again. The movie thankfully ended and we all said their goodbyes, the female promised she would call me with in a week. She hasn't call me yet. However, at least she was courteous enough to apologize after accidentally spilling Pepsi on my pants. That was by far the most pleasant moment I've ever had with a woman.

Last week, I drove to Wautoma, which is two hours north from where I live to celeberate Thanksgiving with my family. When I walked in my parent's house, I found my dad watching Super Bowl XXXI (The Super Bowl in which the Packer walloped the Patriots) as a means of cheering himself up after witnessing the Packers get thrashed by the Vikings for a second time on Monday Night Football. My dad then went off on a rant, "Them Packers were good in them there days. Brett Favre was the MVP and they were the ultimate team. Now look at them." He then downed a bottle of Miller and screamed, "PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL!" While watching Super Bowl XXXI, my dad applauded every time the Packers scored, even though he know the outcome of the game. He then did a victory dance at the end of the game. "PACKERS ARE THE AWESOME TEAM!" He shouted and spiked his plate of food on the ground. My mom just smiled and said, "Oh Dennis!" My sister and brother in law rolled their eyes, I tried to contain my laughter. Then my dad was like, "Who wants to watch it again?" We all objected, insisting we watch one of our many Thanksgiving specials. Dad objected, he was adament we watch Super Bowl XXXI again, so he rewound the tape and started watching it. Then he broke down in tears, "It's all I lie. I can't live like this any more." Then he locked himself in his room, refusing to come out, so we celebrated the rest of the holiday with out him.
OK, none of this story is true, except the part about me driving to Wautoma. If I were to write about what really happened on Thanksgiving, most of you would probably be like, "Who cares?" Then again, I'm sure most of you are thinking that right now, after having read this lousy post.
Go Green Bay!

I am currently waiting in line to see the next installment of Harry Potter, boy am I excited. I love Harry Potter, it is by far the greatest franchise EVER!!!! While waiting, I am reading my copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I hope the movie stays true to the book, unlike the last installment. Why do movies feel the need to change books? Why can't they remain faithful to the source? If I made a Harry Potter movie, it would be ten hours long and totally kick ass. I remember my girlfriend (as in friend friend, not dating) was so upset how the last Harry Potter mutilated the source, that she couldn't eat a whole bag of Doritos; I had to consume at least a 1/4 of it. Did I mention that I'm dressed up as Harry? Isn't that cool? There are many kids who are dressed up like Harry, but I think I resemble him the most. Well, they are finally letting people into the theatre, I will talk to you later. THIS IS TOTALLY BAD ASS!

The End!

He's a really sweet guy once you get to know him!

Ever since I have started working at this theatre, people have told me to beware of Steve Todd; that he was a no good, low life, mother fucking asshole. However, Steve and I recently had a brief conversation at the box office and he seemed like a genuinely sweet guy. Underneath the cold exterior is a sweet, caring man waiting to come out. He kept trying to hide his sensitive side by making sex jokes, but he didn't fool me one bit. These sex jokes are his defense mechanism against getting intimate with some one who might break his heart. He is afraid to commit, because he does not who can trust in this cruel world. If I were dating Steve Todd, I would treat him like a king. He would know what it's like to have a girlfriend who truly does care for him. I only hope other people can see the sensitive Steve Todd that I know. He's really a sweet guy, even if he did get those three girls pregnant and forced them to fend for themselves. He just needs to find the right girl and I might be it.

Film Reviews:

I have been watching lots of movies lately, mainly because I have nothing better to do with my life, except stare blankly at the ceiling, contemplating my existence and believe me onceI get done contemplating, I realize there's not much to my life. Therefore, rather then depress you with a post about how futile life is, I will instead do a few movie reviews. Doesn't that sound delightful? I didn't think so.

First up:

1941: Coming off the success of Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Steven Spielberg was convinced he could do anything, unfortunately 1941 proved him wrong. The film is a huge mess, yet it's a compelling mess. Some where beneath the explosions, mugging, screaming, and over kill is a good movie waiting to be made. The biggest problem with 1941 is the excess. There are way too many ideas for one movie, yet Spielberg tries to pack in as many as possible, sacrificing the narrative in the process. The film is crammed with characters who serve no purpose other than to scream at the top of their lung, other character (like John Belushi's half-crazed pilot) disappear completely from the narrative, only to pop up later on. Spielberg could have used a story editor, but it seems he was determined to film as much as possible, with out a vision as to what kind of story he wanted to tell.

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken: This stars Don Knotts as a jumpy typesetter at a newspaper who aspires to be a reporter. He's given the opportunity, when his newspaper wants him to spend a night in the local "haunted house." Needless to say, all sorts of mishaps occur when Don Knotts enters the house. Add an awkard romantic subplot and you got a fairly enjoyable comedy.

Dead and Breakfast: A truly dreadful horror-comedy that involves a lost wedding party, red necks and zombies. The film is supposedly a horror-comedy, but I don't think the director filled the cast in about the comedy part. The cast includes Gina Philips (who starred with the brilliant Justin Long in Jeepers Creepers), Jeremy Sisto and various sub-celebrities. The cast has absolutely no chemistry together what so ever. Often a scene will revolve around one character saying something stupid which is followed by awkard silence from the other cast members. The only actor who stands out is Oz Perkins, due to his subpar Jim Carrey-like antics. It does have a song entitled "We're Coming To Kill You," otherwise stay clear.

If you are wondering why I have not posted for the last three weeks, it's because I haven't had any internet access. It's been a long headache and I won't bore you with the details. In the three weeks I have been kind of busy, I've been to Chicago and Minnesota. I also been to birthdays, clubs and was engaged for two days. But will tell you more about that later. Expect to hear more from me later in the week. Until then...have fun!!!