When will Hollywood stop adapting television shows into unwatchable movies? This trend of adapting small screen successes into big screen bombs seems to have increased rapidly in the last few years and it looks like there is no end in sight. It's only a matter of time before Hollywood starts adapting television commercials into full length features.
Here's a just a few cinematic atrocities that might hit your local theater some time soon:
Trix: The Movie
A brilliant satire on race relations in our country, Trix: The Movie stars Ben Stiller as Sonny the Rabbit who travels the country longing for a bowl of delicious Trix cereal only to be denied because he is a rabbit. Will Ferrell co-stars as Kieron, the heavy drinking Irish cop out to stop Sonny from living his dream.
Cap'N Crunch: Battle on the High Seas
Orlando Bloom stars as every one's favorite sea faring Cap'N who is on a quest to find the perfect crunch for his cereal. His adventures take him all over the world and eventually to another dimension where he must face his doppelganger, the dreaded P'rate Lunch. Johnny Depp will reprise his role as that lovable rascal Jack Sparrow, who helps the Cap'N battle monsters and other terrors of the deep. It's will be a frolicking good time.
Cookie Crisp: The Rise of Cookie Crook
Rick McCallum (producer of the Star Wars prequels) makes his directorial debut with this tense thriller about Cookie Crook's obsession with Cookie Crisp cereal. Ed Norton stars as Cookie Crook, who at a young age develops an unhealthy dependence on cookies, which eventually leads to a life of crime. Vince Vaughn (Wedding Crashers, Old School) co-stars as Officer Crumb, the cop that is out to stop Cookie Crook no matter what the cost. Look for Cris Collinsworth in a small role as one of Cookie Crook's first victims.
Wrangler Jeans: You Aint Seen Nothing Yet
Brett Favre plays once great NFL quarterback Bert Starve, who devotes his spare time trying to find the most comfortable jeans and eventually winds up wearing Wranglers Jean. Not only are these Wrangler jeans comfortable, they help increase his productivity and isn't before long he's back in the NFL leading the struggling Yellow Port Snackers to a Super Bowl. You truly aint seen nothing yet.
Old Spice
Jack Black stars as the hopeless Tom Odor, a high respected bank accountant, who has one major flaw: he smells bad. His horrible body odor keeps the girls away in droves, until one day he discovers Old Spice deodorant and isn't before long that the girls are breaking down the door to his house. Adam Sandler co-stars as Chuck Terrible, Odor's main rival who is out to steal Odor's Old Spice, so he can get the ladies himself. Will Terrible succeed? Find out next summer.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
I hate Sex and the City fans.
Why is that Sex and the City fans get so defensive when they hear that most men don't like the movie or show?
They always says things like, "Men hate empowered women." or some other nonsense like that.
If Sex and the City is representative of "empowered women" then the feminist movement is in trouble.
SATC embodies every negative stereotype men have about women: self-absorbed, superficial, materialistic, needy, and opportunistic. These are women who claim to be strong and independent, yet the very thought of being alone frightens them to the point that they hook up with any man who gives them a false sense of security. Being empowered implies that you are in complete control of your life, something these women are definitely not.
I don't mind that women enjoy the show, but when they start equating it with "female empowerment," or start modeling their lives after it , then something is wrong.
It's same for all the Water Street bros that model their lives after movies like Wedding Crashers or Old School, "We should join a fraternity man, we would totally score. Or better yet, let's crash a few weddings."
What's this world coming to when people start imitating the movies? Movies are fantasy, yet people seem more inclined to believe in fantasy rather than face reality. They have a harsh skepticism to the realities of the world and believe everything can be fixed with a great big hug.
When something disproves their view point, they go into denial.
Like I said, it's one thing for women to enjoy Sex and the City as escapist entertainment, it's quite another thing to view it as a way of life. The fact that so many of it's fan base act as if there is a male conspiracy to suppress the feminist movement only goes to show that too many of them take this movie way too seriously.
Most men don't give a rat's ass that there's a Sex and the City movie, because they have other things to worry about. IMDB doesn't represent the entire male community, in fact only a small percentage of the male population visits the site, yet SATC fans act as if the negative IMDB message boards are proof that the men are out to get them.
Why would men like a show/movie that is oriented to women? Seriously, if a movie's intended audience is middle aged women, it's going to deal with issues that men are not going to be able to relate, hence they more than likely won't enjoy it. Any straight man that says he liked Sex and the City is doing so in hopes of getting laid. That is all. He's not deep, he's not sensitive, he's Lucifer himself. Thank you.
Why is that Sex and the City fans get so defensive when they hear that most men don't like the movie or show?
They always says things like, "Men hate empowered women." or some other nonsense like that.
If Sex and the City is representative of "empowered women" then the feminist movement is in trouble.
SATC embodies every negative stereotype men have about women: self-absorbed, superficial, materialistic, needy, and opportunistic. These are women who claim to be strong and independent, yet the very thought of being alone frightens them to the point that they hook up with any man who gives them a false sense of security. Being empowered implies that you are in complete control of your life, something these women are definitely not.
I don't mind that women enjoy the show, but when they start equating it with "female empowerment," or start modeling their lives after it , then something is wrong.
It's same for all the Water Street bros that model their lives after movies like Wedding Crashers or Old School, "We should join a fraternity man, we would totally score. Or better yet, let's crash a few weddings."
What's this world coming to when people start imitating the movies? Movies are fantasy, yet people seem more inclined to believe in fantasy rather than face reality. They have a harsh skepticism to the realities of the world and believe everything can be fixed with a great big hug.
When something disproves their view point, they go into denial.
Like I said, it's one thing for women to enjoy Sex and the City as escapist entertainment, it's quite another thing to view it as a way of life. The fact that so many of it's fan base act as if there is a male conspiracy to suppress the feminist movement only goes to show that too many of them take this movie way too seriously.
Most men don't give a rat's ass that there's a Sex and the City movie, because they have other things to worry about. IMDB doesn't represent the entire male community, in fact only a small percentage of the male population visits the site, yet SATC fans act as if the negative IMDB message boards are proof that the men are out to get them.
Why would men like a show/movie that is oriented to women? Seriously, if a movie's intended audience is middle aged women, it's going to deal with issues that men are not going to be able to relate, hence they more than likely won't enjoy it. Any straight man that says he liked Sex and the City is doing so in hopes of getting laid. That is all. He's not deep, he's not sensitive, he's Lucifer himself. Thank you.
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