I like TV dinners!
I like TV dinners, I don't know why the get such a bad rep. Last night, I had a delicious Banqet "Original Chicken Meal" and it was damn tasty. I told my friends they should try it and they said, "TV dinners suck! They are more bland than a Ron Howard film." I told them that was a low blow, nothing and I mean NOTHING should ever be compared to Ron Howard. One night I told my girlfriend Sue Ann that I would make her dinner, so I popped a "Salisbury Steak" TV dinner in the microwave and brought it out to her on a plate. She stared at the TV dinner for about a minute and then looked at me like she was going to kill me. As she got up to walk out the door, she called me a "cheap son of a bitch." I have not heard from her since; I guess she doesn't like TV dinners!
I recently bought five Banquet TV dinners for five dollars at Wal-Mart. I was so happy that I called my parents to let them know about this great deal. They said, "That's nice son!" and hung up the phone. I'm hungry, I think I will have a "Chicken Nuggets" TV dinner. I love chicken nuggets, especially with Barbecue sauce.

I only see movies at the Oriental!

I hate Hollywood movies, they are mindless entertainment that give the audience everything it wants. I, unlike many film goers, love movies that make me THINK. I love a good challenge, which is why I only see movies at the Oriental. When I wait inline at the Oriental, I think to myself, "Gee, I am so much better than every one else." While most film goers waste their time watching dribble like Scary Movie 4, I am watching brilliant, thought provoking cinema like Elephant. Why can't people be more like me and think outside the box? Why must they give into trends? I don't give into trends, I am above that. I haven't been brainwashed by pop-culture like the rest of America. Last night, my friends and I saw Thank You For Smoking, afterwards we made our traditional trip to Node cafe, where we talked about the movie and drank coffee. We had a rather engaging conversation and the coffee was delicious. I can't wait to see what challenge the Oriental has in store for me next week. I hope it's another Gus Van Sant movie. That guy is awesome. He is highly revered by critics. In fact, next week in my film history class we are watching Psycho. I can't wait.

Where's the pop-culture references?

I was trying to watch this boring ass old comedy called Some Like It Hot and I kept waiting for hilarious pop-culture references to pop up. Alas, they did not! When I watch a comedy, I want as many pop-culture references as possible! That is why I love Family Guy and the Scary Movies, because they totally rip on pop-culture! There's nothing funnier than referencing other people's ideas and making a joke out of them! I remember when I saw the first Scary Movie, I laughed for like ten minutes after Marlon Wayans said, "I see dead people!" Because it was referencing The Sixth Sense and I got the joke, because I saw The Sixth Sense. Pop-cultures references are the backbone for all great comedies. Remember that scene in Shrek, in which Princess Fiano takes on Robin Hood and his Merry Men Matrix-style? That was hysterical. It was so clever! Who wants originality in comedies, when filmmakers can just mock scenes from other movies? There's so much comedy gold waiting to be mined, why even take the time to think up your own ideas? I sure hope there's a Scary Movie 5, so they can make fun of When a Stranger Calls, V For Vendetta, Harry Potter, and other upcoming films! It would be so awesome to see a Superman Returns parody thrown in the mix!

Hating George W. Bush = SEX

Yesterday, I was at an anti-Bush rally chanting such phrases like, "BUSH IS A NAZI" and "War is not my voice," when an extremely fine liberal chick asked me if I would like a cup of coffee. So we went to Starbucks and she went on a rant about how much she hated Bush. I nodded my head pretending to have interest, while staring at her breast, wondering what she looked like naked. Any ways, afterwards we went to her place and had crazy sex. It was awesome. Would she have slept with me had she known I was really a Bush loving conservative? NO! She thought because I hated Bush, I was different from most men, therefore trustworthy enough to have sex with. Pretending to hate Bush has gotten me laid countless of times in the past five years! It's amazing how these liberated chicks turn into putty as soon as you mention how wrong the war in Iraq is. Women love men with causes, even when they don't believe in them.

Crashing weddings isn't as fun as I thought it would be!

Last week, I watched Wedding Crashers with my buddies. Afterwards, we decided that we would crash a wedding one of these weekends. On Friday, we finally got our chance, unfortunately it wasn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be. For one thing, women just weren't responding to our advances. At the reception, I noticed an extremely fine woman dancing with her lady friends. I went in for the kill, but before I could do any killer dance moves, she walked away.
However, I put it behind me and decided to move onto another hottie. I spotted an extremely gorgeous girl sitting by herself at a table. I walked up to her and said, "What's up babe?" She smiled and told me she was feeling sad. I pretended to care and asked her, "Why?" She then went on a rant about how the groom was her ex-boyfriend and how she still had feelings for him. I tried to change the subject, but she just wouldn't let go. It was Bill this and Bill that. I told her I had to go to the bathroom, got up and ran away for dear life.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they did. I asked this cute girl if she wanted to dance. Much to my surprise she said yes. We got on the dance floor and I showed her my fancy moves. We got along great, I ask fo her number and she gave it to me. All seemed well, until I learned that she was only thirteen....and a boy at that! When I found out, I ran into the bathroom and vomited for half an hour!
All I can say is that Wedding Crashers lied! I will never trust a comedy again! NEVER! This isn't the first time a movie lied to me, after watching Animal House, I decided to go to college. I was expecting my college life would be filled with hilarious adventures, male bonding, and lots of hot naked women, instead I spent most of my time studying and sleeping. Real life totally sucks balls! I wish my life were like a movie!