Crashing weddings isn't as fun as I thought it would be!
Last week, I watched Wedding Crashers with my buddies. Afterwards, we decided that we would crash a wedding one of these weekends. On Friday, we finally got our chance, unfortunately it wasn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be. For one thing, women just weren't responding to our advances. At the reception, I noticed an extremely fine woman dancing with her lady friends. I went in for the kill, but before I could do any killer dance moves, she walked away.
However, I put it behind me and decided to move onto another hottie. I spotted an extremely gorgeous girl sitting by herself at a table. I walked up to her and said, "What's up babe?" She smiled and told me she was feeling sad. I pretended to care and asked her, "Why?" She then went on a rant about how the groom was her ex-boyfriend and how she still had feelings for him. I tried to change the subject, but she just wouldn't let go. It was Bill this and Bill that. I told her I had to go to the bathroom, got up and ran away for dear life.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they did. I asked this cute girl if she wanted to dance. Much to my surprise she said yes. We got on the dance floor and I showed her my fancy moves. We got along great, I ask fo her number and she gave it to me. All seemed well, until I learned that she was only thirteen....and a boy at that! When I found out, I ran into the bathroom and vomited for half an hour!
All I can say is that Wedding Crashers lied! I will never trust a comedy again! NEVER! This isn't the first time a movie lied to me, after watching Animal House, I decided to go to college. I was expecting my college life would be filled with hilarious adventures, male bonding, and lots of hot naked women, instead I spent most of my time studying and sleeping. Real life totally sucks balls! I wish my life were like a movie!
4 comments:
You poor guy, you shouldn't give up hope, last time I crashed a wedding I actually scored, however it was with a really ugly chick. As most women who goto weddings have escorts or boyfriends already, and aren't willing to put out. Not like Junior Prom, there were so many women that were putting out that night, you know cause it's Junior Prom. Remember that Bryan?
Yeah, women always put out at Junior Prom, especially to guys who spend their time and money on Magic The Gathering.
I watched the movie Tank Girl yesterday and after trying to sweet talk a sexy prison inmate to steal a tank and escape the evil, fascist corporation I realized I was not a girl and I was not driving a tank but rather it was a big wheel!
I agree that real life should be more like a movie, however, there was that time I was digging a pool in my backyard and discovered a frozen caveman and when he thawed out he became a party animal and the most popular guy in high school therefore driving me to incredible jealous lengths and in the end teaching me a valuable lesson after I got stuck in detention with five other misfits who taught me to be comfortable with myself and that I should take that test to get into law school forcing me to cram an entire semester's worth of work into one night, because it would be honoring my dad that I've had a shaky relationship with, all alone in the gym while 4 teachers (including the sexy female teacher that had been strict but was rooting for me all along to take and pass the test) and the principle sit at a desk and watch me.
Had an ex-girlfriend who was way too fucking into Tank Girl, seriously, ask Bryan.
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