I hate Sex and the City fans.

Why is that Sex and the City fans get so defensive when they hear that most men don't like the movie or show?
They always says things like, "Men hate empowered women." or some other nonsense like that.
If Sex and the City is representative of "empowered women" then the feminist movement is in trouble.
SATC embodies every negative stereotype men have about women: self-absorbed, superficial, materialistic, needy, and opportunistic. These are women who claim to be strong and independent, yet the very thought of being alone frightens them to the point that they hook up with any man who gives them a false sense of security. Being empowered implies that you are in complete control of your life, something these women are definitely not.
I don't mind that women enjoy the show, but when they start equating it with "female empowerment," or start modeling their lives after it , then something is wrong.
It's same for all the Water Street bros that model their lives after movies like Wedding Crashers or Old School, "We should join a fraternity man, we would totally score. Or better yet, let's crash a few weddings."
What's this world coming to when people start imitating the movies? Movies are fantasy, yet people seem more inclined to believe in fantasy rather than face reality. They have a harsh skepticism to the realities of the world and believe everything can be fixed with a great big hug.
When something disproves their view point, they go into denial.
Like I said, it's one thing for women to enjoy Sex and the City as escapist entertainment, it's quite another thing to view it as a way of life. The fact that so many of it's fan base act as if there is a male conspiracy to suppress the feminist movement only goes to show that too many of them take this movie way too seriously.
Most men don't give a rat's ass that there's a Sex and the City movie, because they have other things to worry about. IMDB doesn't represent the entire male community, in fact only a small percentage of the male population visits the site, yet SATC fans act as if the negative IMDB message boards are proof that the men are out to get them.
Why would men like a show/movie that is oriented to women? Seriously, if a movie's intended audience is middle aged women, it's going to deal with issues that men are not going to be able to relate, hence they more than likely won't enjoy it. Any straight man that says he liked Sex and the City is doing so in hopes of getting laid. That is all. He's not deep, he's not sensitive, he's Lucifer himself. Thank you.

I loved my life, but my life didn't love me.
So we separated
and now I no longer have a life.
But I do have video games.
And when you have video games
It's best you don't have a life
because it might interfere with your play time.

This movie is not good, but it's not bad either.
It was slight better than bad, but it wasn't quite good. I mean it could have been good, but it was sabotaged by the bad...well not sabotaged, but it was lacking in a couple of areas that could have made it good, then again it did have enough positives things going for it that it wasn't bad either. It certainly wasn't a waste of time, thought I don't think I would ever watch it again. In fact, now that
think about it I kind of want my money back, but then again it did have a delightful leading lady, but the leading actor was kind of stiff, but...wait......

What Shakespeare monologue should I prepare for my audition as an extra?

As every one knows Johnny Depp is filming a movie in Wisconsin and they are currently looking for extras; therefore I have decided to WOW the producers by performing a Shakespeare monologue. Who knows, my audition might be so good that have no choice but to give me a bigger part in the movie. The only problem is I have no idea what Shakespeare monologue to perform. I was thinking of doing the "To Be or Not To Be" monologue from Hamlet, but that might be redundant, after all who hasn't done that monologue. Or I could do the Mark Anthony speech from Julius Caesar, you know, "lend me your ears." That would be awesome. I would totally blow Marlon Brando's rendition out of the water. So many monologues and so little time to choose, but I must choose if I hope to impress the producers of this upcoming Johnny Depp movie. Who knows, maybe, just maybe Wisconsin will be the next Hollywood.

What? Is he dead?
Sit thee down father, rest you.

I can't stand anti-war activists, they are possible the most annoying creatures to have ever roamed the planet. They think just because they are against war that it some how makes them superior to every one else. If you agree with them then you are enlightened, if you disagree with them, then you are a closed minded racist fascist that steals candy from babies, while cackling over a pile of gold. "War is not my voice." Yeah, well you're incessant self-righteous spiel is not my voice, but you seem to have no problem rubbing your view points in my face. Yesterday on the news they were showing activists protesting in the streets of New York, shutting down traffic, just so they could shout their tired anti-war slogans like, "Bush is a Nazi" and "No Blood For Oil." These are the same people who get upset when Christian groups impose their view points on the world by protesting films like The DaVinci Code, yet some how see no problem in shutting down traffic so they can impose their view points.
Even more troubling are the extreme activists, the ones who dress up in bloody soldier uniforms and stage fake tortures for the public. What's even more troubling is that they do this all with smiles on their faces, cause as we all know nothing is more comical than seeing a person get tortured. No wonder the Saw films are big hits! They're comedies! Then you get the activists who bring themselves to near orgasmic states by spouting out the number of fatalities the war has brought upon Americans and Iraqis. I personally think anti-war activists secretly love the war, because it brings meaning to their otherwise meaningless lives. It gives them something to bitch and feel good about, otherwise they would probably fritter their day away at Starbucks, drinking over priced coffee, while writing crappy poems about how no one understands them.
OK, I'm generalizing here, but anti-war activists to the exact same thing, so let's call it even.
The worst protest I ever saw involved three college students putting on a skit in which a guy wearing a "United States" shirt was hitting a guy wearing an "Iraq" shirt with smelly fish, then a girl wearing a "United Nations" shirt came in with a blow horn and shouted, "Screw you Uncle Sam, you're over stepping your bounds." This might have been effective had it not been for the fact that they were all laughing during the skit, instead they just looked like a trio of pompous idiots.
There was an interview with the jackass behind the skit and with a smug look of triumph on his face he said, "We came up with the skit while drinking coffee." Would that be Starbucks coffee? Nothing like a heartless corporation to help get your creative juices flowing! Right comrade!
I'm sure most people reading this rant will probably think I'm pro-Bush stooge who supports the Iraq War, well sorry to disappoint, but I'm not. I just think that these activists are doing more to hurt the anti-war cause than to help it. They kind of reminiscent of extreme Packers fans, they ones who will shout idiotic slogans, dress up in full Packers regalia and beat their children when the Packers lose. They may support the same team I do, but I find them utterly embarrassing regardless.

Why have a meaningful conversation when you can quote movies?

Yesterday my girlfriend tried to have a "deep" conversation with me, it was rather annoying. When she would ask me a question I would respond by saying, "I hate them all! Not just the men, but the women and children." Then I would laugh at my genuine wit for ten minutes, because I was quoting Star Wars Episode: Attack of the Clones. I'm so clever. After desperately trying to get into my head for half an hour my annoying girlfriend finally threw in the towel and I was free to watch Super Bad in peace. Hmmmmm..... you know what would be funny? If I got an ID that said McLovin' on it. That would be hilarious. It's would be like that one time when my bros and I tried to crash a wedding after watching the hilarity that was Wedding Crashers. Or when we attempted to join a fraternity after watching Old School. Or my personal favorite, when I tried to slay vampires after watching Van Helsing, only to find that vampires don't exist.

We're alright I guess......I mean, I wouldn't say we're the best team out there, but we certainly aren't the worst. We could lose this upcoming game, but then again we could win it. Anything is possible, I guess. I wouldn't say we're odds on favorites to win it, but I can't say we're odds on favorites to lose it either. I mean, we're a pretty decent team. We're kind of like the movie Jurassic Park III, a serviceable, if completely unremarkable follow to the wonderful original. That describe this team in a nutshell, we're fairly serviceable but we're not going to win a championship any time soon....or maybe we will. Who knows? I guess anything is possible. Personally, I don't see us winning the big game. I see us getting far, but not that far. Any other questions? Good!

I can't believe it...Brett Favre is retiring! After 17 seasons in the NFL, Brett Favre has decided to all it quits. This is actually very shocking to me, considering the great season he had. I was expecting Favre to come back for at least one more season and (at least try) to go out a Super Bowl champ. WOW! He will be sorely missed by all the Green Bay Packers fans.

This isn't the right movie?

I clearly bought a ticket to see Step Up 2: The Streets, but for some reason you guys are showing The Dark Knight. What's going on? This most definitely isn't the right movie! What do you mean it's a trailer for The Dark Knight? OHHHHH, I see you mean it's like a preview....ohhhh....OK, I understand. So you will be showing Step Up 2? OK! For a second I thought I walked into the wrong movie. Ha! Isn't that funny? I can't wait to tell all my friends this delightful story, I'm sure they will amused. Thank you!

So much for the 2007 Patriots being the greatest team of all time!

How does a team win 18 consecutive games, yet some how manages to lose the most important game of the season? All season long we've heard pundits, sport writers, analysts, etc. talk about how the 2007 Patriots are "GREATEST TEAM OF ALL TIME!" How is it a team that broke all records during the regular season were able to only score 14 measle points against a pretty mediocre defense? Oh well! It's great to know neither Randy Moss nor Junior Seau have Super Bowl rings. Both went to the Patriots because they were convinced they would win a Super Bowl, well not this year.
However, it annoys me to know that the Packers were essentially a field goal away from being Super Bowl champions. They could have taken the Patriots, but blew it. AAAHHH!

Shaky cameras = brilliant cinema!

I just saw Cloverfield and it was BRILLIANT! I mean it had lots of shaky camera movement and people screaming for an hour and a half, I mean it was really intense bro! I nearly spilled hot nachos cheese on my pants because I was so rattled up while watching this flick. Not since Peter Jackson's King Kong (which I heard was a remake of something) have I been so moved by a movie. I give five Fs for Frighteningly Fabulous Fun Fuckin' Film. It wasn't as intense as Fight Club, but what is?

One last football post before I get back to being random:

Even though the Giants beat the Packers, I hope they go into Arizona and pull the greatest upset of all time by beating the Patriots. All season long we've had to hear about how the Patriots are the "GREATEST FOOTBALL TEAM OF ALL TIME!" Meanwhile, we've had to witness countless analysts, pundits, and sports writers masturbate to footage of Tom Brady throwing touchdown passes, "Is there a greater quarterback than Tom Brady? He's so pretty! If he asked me for a blow job, I would give it to him." And when they weren't talking about how beautiful Tom Brady was, they were writing about how Randy Moss had become a model citizen, before he was slapped with a restraining order. That's why it would be great if the Giants do the unthinkable and beat the Patriots, because their "perfect" season would be just another footnote in sport's history, kind of like the 1998 Vikings.

Why did it have to end like this?

I can tolerate the fact that the Packers lost to the Giants, what I can't tolerate is the fact that Brett Favre threw the game losing interception. It's pretty sad that when people think of the 2007 season, they won't think of the records Favre broke, but rather that costly interception in over time. It brings back memories of the Divisional round in Philadelphia in which Favre threw the game losing interception in over time as well.
All in all, I'm not disappointed in the season the Packers had, they completely exceeded my expectations, I thought at best they would lose in the wild card round of the play offs, I just wish it wouldn't have ended on such an ugly note. Oh well!
The Giants completely outplayed the Packers at Lambeau, that's all there is to it. The Packers didn't give the game away, but the Giants nearly did. It should have never gone into over time in the first place, but the Giants kicker missed a field goal. I wish he would have made the field goal in regulation, just so Favre wouldn't have thrown that interception, but that's the way the ball bounces.
I'm also not stupid enough to say, "We'll be back next season," because it's hard to get to NFC Championship game in two consecutive years. Who knows?

My last couple of posts have been football related, therefore I thought I would talk about something completely different....unfortunately I have nothing much to say. In fact, the only thing on my mind is the Packers vs. the Giants game. No.....no.....I must keep my mind off football. I CAN'T DO IT! Possibly the most annoying thing this season is how local news outlets make puns out of Brett Favre's last name. For instance, after the Packers beat the Kansas City Chiefs, one show had a headline which read, "Favre from finished!" The sad thing is that some one actually got paid to write this god awful sentence. It's not nearly as enjoyable as the puns media outlets used to describe the Chicago Bears last season after they played a couple of crappy games, the two best being "EM-BEAR-ASSING" and "UN-BEAR-ABLE." Then again, I hate the Chicago Bears, therefore any time they receive any sort of criticism I am over filled with joy. I'm sure most Bears fans probably groaned when they read these headlines. Good for them! In completely unrelated news, my beard is growing progressively longer. I have not shaved in about five months and I very close to realizing my life long dream of growing a nice, long Karl Marx beard. That would be so awesome! Then I can turn into a socialist and spew all sorts of anti-authoritarian garbage, while local college students look on in awe at my down to earth intellect...or something like that. Then after, I'm done talking about the evils of capitalism, I will eat go to the local Burger King and get a nice, delicious Whopper. ENDE!

Eli Manning is my hero (up until next Sunday any ways).

This may be the best weekend of all time, not only did the Packers slaughter the Seahawks, but the Giants beat the Cowboys. Tony Romo once again choked in the clutch, this time instead of fumbling a snap, he threw an interception in the end zone. Thank you Eli Manning! All season long analysts have been criticizing Eli Manning for his quarterback play, while crowning Tony Romo as the second coming of Jesus. After the Cowboys lucky win against the Detroit Lions, sportswriters and analysts started calling Romo a "Legend" and every time he completed a pass they would say stupid things like, "That's vintage Tony Romo!" Vintage Tony Romo? The guy hasn't even played two full seasons and he's already a legend. All I know is that Tony Romo is 0 - 2 in the post season, while Eli Manning is 2 -2. I'm so happy we no longer have to hear about how delightful Tony Romo is!

It was great to see the Green Bay Packers slaughter the Seattle Seahawks. The best part of the game was the constant close ups of Mike Holmgren's face turning red and shouting profanities at the refs. I'm surprised he hasn't blamed the refs for the losing the game for his team.

Shannon Sharpe is an IDIOT!

Why is that practically every NFL analyst is anti-Packers? Yesterday on the CBS pre-game show Shannon Sharpe predicted the Seattle Seahawks to beat the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau field, because in his opinion Seattle has more "play off experience." Hey Shannon here's a little tidbit for you, the Seahawks have yet to win a play off game on the road, under Mike Holmgren they are 0-3 on the road in the post-season. When Holmgren was with the Green Bay Packers he was an average road coach at best. It's a Holmgren tendency that haunts not only teams he's coached, but teams coached by his former assistant coaches as well: Andy Reid and the Eagles; Jon Gruden and the Buccaneers; and Dick Jauron and the Bills.
As a Packers fan, I have to say that I am not that worried about the Seahawks, because their quarterback Matt Hasselbeck (or as I call him Matt Baldyhead) always makes a mistake at the most inopportune moment. Hasselbeck is a cocky mother fucker, to the extent that he thinks he is incapable of making a bad throw, then as expected he makes a bad throw that gets intercepted and run back for a touchdown. I predict that Hasselbeck will have at least two interceptions against the Packers on Saturday, then Holmgren's face will turn all red and he'll start throwing a tantrum, finding a way to blame his team's pathetic performance on the refs.

PS: I really, really hate Seahawks fans, because they are all huge phonies. They are the true definition of fair weathered fans. When the Seahawks are winning they are shouting stupid phrases like, "SEAHAWKS RAWK,"when the Seahawks are losing they don't even bat an eye, they just go to the nearest Starbucks and order an over priced Latte. They don't deserve a Super Bowl win.

This direct to DVD movie better be good or else there will be hell to pay!

I just rented the latest American Pie sequel Beta House and all I can say is that it better live up the genius that was American Pie Presents Band Camp and American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile. Those films were genuine classics, where as I have sneaky suspicion that this latest installment is nothing but an Animal House rip off. As improbable as it seems, I think the American Pie series might be taking a turn of the worse. It's kind of like how the Bring It On series went into decline with the release of Bring It On: All Or Nothing. I mean that film did hold a candle to the first two films in the series, despite the presence of the delightful Heroes star Hayden Panettiere. However, I still have to watch Beta House, so as far as I know it could possibly be the best film in what is possibly the greatest franchise in the history of cinema. I hope Jason Biggs has a cameo in this film. That would be funny!

FOX 6 Blitz is the funniest show on television.
If you have not watched FOX 6 Blitz, you are missing out on what is perhaps the most entertaining half hour show on television. For those who do not what FOX 6 Blitz is, it's a local show that covers the Green Bay Packers every Sunday night during football season. It is hosted by Tom Pipines, Jen Lada, and Tim Van Vooren. The best part of show is when each of the three give their grades for the Packers offense, defense, and special teams. Usually, Tom Pipines will give the Packers a D+ and then say something along the lines like, "even though the Packers scored 35 points, they only had 65 rushing yards. Simply not a good team. I don't know how they can possibly compete in the play offs." Meanwhile, I nearly die from laughter. Never has a sports show been so entertaining. Then he'll go on some tangent about how, "Wisconsin's own Tony Romo is the greatest quarterback in the history of the game," much to the amusement of every one else.

Tom Pipines always has to stress the point that Tony Romo is from Wisconsin, because some how it is a victory for the state that we produced such a fine athlete! Bah! Then he'll go, "I know the Packers are 13 -3, but they're simply not a good football team." Then Jen and Tim nod their heads, knowing it is best to remain silent, rather than set Pip off on another tangent.

At the end of each show, Tom, Jen, and Tim give their MVPs from the game. Jen seems to choose Mason Crosby every other week. To her credit Mason Crosby has scored the most points in the NFL. However, probably her most memorable choice came last football season in the New Years Eve game against the Bears in which she picked Rex Grossman as the game's MVP. He did after all throw two interceptions for touch downs in that game. Poor Rex Grossman.
Meanwhile, Tom Pipines usually says something along the lines of, "Well even though Greg Jennings had two touch down passes, he still dropped a few balls. Therefore, I give him a B -. And the only reason why he's my MVP is because I gave every one else on the team a D. Simply not a good football team."
Tim usually picks Donald Driver or some other veteran on the team. Very rarely do they pick Brett Favre, which is probably good, because there's been way too much Brett Favre slurping this entire season, especially by Tony Kornheiser.
It's pretty sad that once this football season ends, there will be no Fox 6 Blitz for a long time. How will I live with out knowing what grade Tom, Jen, and Tim will give the Packers? I do not know!
Simply not a good football team.

PS: Tom Pipines has not used the phrase, "Simply not a good football team" at all this season. He did however say it a lot a couple of season ago. Then he gave every one on the Packers an F.
Meanwhile, Wisconsin's own Tony Romo was sitting on a bench watching Drew Bledsoe play with that stupid grin on his face.

You best start believing in bad movies Miss Turner, you're in one.

That was the thought that entered my head after having watch Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End in it's entirety on Christmas Day. My sister for reasons unknown loves At World's End and owns the DVD, so I decided that I would kill some time by popping in the DVD and giving the film a fair chance, sadly I am still watching the damn film. It has no end! AAAHHHH! It keeps going. Enough with the multiple Jack Sparrows! It wasn't that funny the first time around! Enough with the betrayals! I can't even keep track on who is what side and why. Huh? Are the characters supposed to unlikable? If so, the filmmakers have succeeded. On the plus side, at least there isn't a ten minute scene in which three annoying characters fight in a wheel, instead we get a ten minute sequence in which Jack Sparrow swings on a rope fighting random bad guys. To the film's credit, it is a slight improvement over Dead Man's Chest, but then against what isn't? Though, I have to admit that I did enjoy Geoffrey Rush's performance as Captain Barbossa, he made the first half hour tolerable. Unfortunately, once Johnny Depp enters the picture, Barbossa gets sidelined to make room for Jack Sparrow's wacky antics and Will and Elizabeth's dull romance. I say dull, because they spend of most of the film's running time mad at each other. Incidentally, when exactly did Elizabeth become a sword wielding bad ass? When did she learn to fight with a sword? When did she have time? Yet, at the film's head ache inducing conclusion she is holding her own against pirates who have spent their entire lives fighting with swords. What? I know it's suppose to be suspension of disbelief, but even a fantasy film needs to abide by the rules. If a woman goes from being a spoiled governor's daughter to a sword wielding pirate, there's got to be a transitional period in the movie, sadly it doesn't exist.
Then again, it's not like there was a script or anything to guide the filmmakers.

Tony Romo is no longer delightful!

After losing the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday, Tony Romo is no longer delightful. He is no longer the Jack Sparrow of the NFL. He no longer thrills us with his wacky on field antics, rather he annoys us with his sheer incompetence. Oh TONY, WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED US? We thought you were the greatest quarterback of all time, instead you pulled a Joey Harrington by completely sucking it up. Remember how Joey Harrington was delightful for half a season before his enthusiasm for sucking got annoying? Will Romo drop his chance to go the Super Bowl again?
Meanwhile, according to ESPN the Patriots might be human after all! WOW! Ladies and gentlemen the Patriots are no longer for real, because they are not blowing out the opposition.