Your girlfriend is not nearly as hot as my soon to be girlfriend.

You think you are so cool, because you are dating Terry Hopkins, the hottest girl on campus. Well, let me tell you something buddy, you're "hot" girlfriend pales in comparion to the WOMAN I'm going to be dating. That's right, in just a matter of days, nay hours, I am going to be dating one of the most beautiful woman on the planet.  She's a successful lingerie model. What does Terry do for a living again? Oh yeah, she's still in college studying to be a psychologist. LAME! I met my soon to be lingerie model of a girlfriend at The Landmark.  I was sitting at the bar, drinking my usual Spotted Cow, when this heavenly creature walked up, and order a Sminoff Ice. It was love at first sight, for me any ways.  I said, "Hello!" She said, "Hi!" 

From the brief exchange I knew we were destined to be together...forever! I then told her I would pay for the drink, she smiled, said thank you,  grabbed her drink, and walked away.  Next time I'm at the Landmark, I'm going to ask her out on a date.  Then I will ask her to marry me, she will naturally say yes, and we will have the most grand wedding ever.  This is going to be so awesome. I can't wait to see the look on your face when you meet her in person! Ha! Victory shall be mine! VICTORY! WOLVERINES!