Ladies and gentlemen, the Bears are BACK!!!!
Now that the Bears have benched that no good Rex Grossman, they are bound to win the Super Bowl with the time tested Brian Griese. Unlike Grossman, Griese has lots of NFL experience. He has played on three other teams: The Broncos, Buccaneers, and the Dolphins. Sure, he's never started in the post-season, but that besides the point, unlike Grossman he will not LOSE games for your defense. His mechanics are solid. He's bound to breathe life into this struggling team. Ladies and gentlemen the Bears will be for real...eventually. Then all us Bears fans can relive 1985 all over again.
Incidentally, Brett Favre SUCKS! I don't care if he tied Dan Marino's record for most TD passes or has the most consecutive starts as a QB, he is not Brian Griese. I don't see him breathing life into struggling offense. He didn't play in the Super Bowl last year...oh wait neither did Griese. But the point is Brett Favre is washed up. His Packers may lead our division, but their days are numbered once Griese takes the first snap. I just watched PTI and Tony Kornheiser seems to be excited that Griese is the Bears starting quarterback, if Tony Kornheiser is excited then it's shoe in that the Bears are going to the Super Bowl. After all, last year he called them a team of destiny after their miracle win against the Arizona Cardinals.
Us Bears fans can finally take pride in our team, not that we ever lost it. I mean, we had our doubts, but with Grossman out of the equation their bound to be good again...I think. Maybe.
What?
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I wish my girlfriend wasn't imaginary, because she would be so hot. I mean really, she would really make heads turn, but sadly she is just a figment of my imagination and no one can see her but I.
I remember when I first imagined her, it was a bright Sunday morning, the birds were chirping and then I thought to myself, "It would be so awesome to have a girlfriend." And just like that she appeared. It was a magical moment, almost as magical as that one scene in Mission to Mars in which the guy fixes the space ship with a tube of Dr. Pepper. I said, "What's your name?" She said, "I don't know, what do you want my name to be?" I said, "Sally." She said, "OK!" We went on a long walk and I told her all the heroic deeds I performed playing World of Warcraft. I told her how my Elf character Rackstack killed over 300 ogres single handedly. She was impressed. We then made out on a bench. This old couple passing by gave me an odd look, I replied, "Have you forgotten what's like to be in love?" They quickly ran away. Who are they to judge? Who are they? Fuckin' old timers! Why don't the stick to playing Bingo and leave us young lovers alone? Wait, I forgot my girlfriend is imaginary. DAMN IT! At least she's hot imaginary girlfriend. Or so I think? Actually, she's pretty average, but that's OK! She's like the Spider-Man 3 of imaginary girlfriends, not particularly good, but not bad either.
Wait, didn't I begin this post by saying my imaginary girlfriend would so hot if she was real. OOPS! My mistake!
I remember when I first imagined her, it was a bright Sunday morning, the birds were chirping and then I thought to myself, "It would be so awesome to have a girlfriend." And just like that she appeared. It was a magical moment, almost as magical as that one scene in Mission to Mars in which the guy fixes the space ship with a tube of Dr. Pepper. I said, "What's your name?" She said, "I don't know, what do you want my name to be?" I said, "Sally." She said, "OK!" We went on a long walk and I told her all the heroic deeds I performed playing World of Warcraft. I told her how my Elf character Rackstack killed over 300 ogres single handedly. She was impressed. We then made out on a bench. This old couple passing by gave me an odd look, I replied, "Have you forgotten what's like to be in love?" They quickly ran away. Who are they to judge? Who are they? Fuckin' old timers! Why don't the stick to playing Bingo and leave us young lovers alone? Wait, I forgot my girlfriend is imaginary. DAMN IT! At least she's hot imaginary girlfriend. Or so I think? Actually, she's pretty average, but that's OK! She's like the Spider-Man 3 of imaginary girlfriends, not particularly good, but not bad either.
Wait, didn't I begin this post by saying my imaginary girlfriend would so hot if she was real. OOPS! My mistake!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Fighting the infestation was one of many problems, for there were six of us and we only had enough food to last three days at best. How would we survive? It was decided that in order to live one of us would have to die. But who would it be? Joe? Terry? Jim? Walter? Alice? Me? Well, it certainly wasn't me, for I am telling you this story right now. It couldn't be Alice, for she was the only female in the group. That narrows it down to four. Joe was a mechanic, therefore his skills might (and did) come use. Terry was a doctor, therefore he was indispensable. Jim was an alcoholic and Walter was an actor. It was decided one of the two had to go. Jim was a rather fun alcoholic, where as Walter was an annoying Method actor, who constantly repeated to himself, "I am a farmer. I am a farmer." It was decided Walter had to die.
Now how to go about doing it. We told Walter that we desperately wanted him to recite a scene from "Hamlet." He got in the corner, rubbed his temples, and started repeating to himself, "I am Hamlet." Then I crept up behind him and chopped off his head. Of course, after doing so, I learned that the infestation of giant rodents had been defeated, thus making Walter's murder absolutely unnecessary. Then again, no one seemed to care that he was gone.
Walter used to ramble on about how he got rave notices for his portrayal of Will in the high school production of "The Great Easter Egg Hunt." He would ramble about how all the woman fell in love with his sensitive depiction of a love torn intellect caught in a town full of hicks. He also bragged about his ability to improvise, like one time he forgot his line, so after stuttering for a full thirty seconds he came up with this gem, "Have you seen my wallet?" It got a huge applause from the audience or so he said. I later ran into some one who actually saw the play and she said that no one laughed at that line, rather every one in the audience groaned. Which begs the question, what good are actors? Why do they feel there work is so important? Why good are they accomplishing? I could understand acting as a hobby, but as a career? What the hell? Thankfully, Walter could no longer bore us will his long winded soliloquies or horrible slap stick routines. He was as dead as a door nail, just like the greedy Jacob Marley.
Meanwhile, after having successfully survived the giant rat infestation I decided it was time for me to propose to Alice. I popped the question at a Brewers game and she responded by shoving a hot dog in my face and kicking me in the groin. She broke my heart, but all the pain went away after seeing the Brewers destroy the Pirates 12 to 3. It was a great game. Well, great for all the Brewers fans any ways.
I was leaving the stadium in a drunken haze, when I noticed something in the corner of my eye. I looked to my left and ....gasp...saw a giant rat scrounging through the garbage. I realized that this was my moment to shine. I took tip toed to my car, buckled up, turned the ignition key, and slammed my foot on the gas petal. I was going to run the mother fucker down. Unfortunately, I left my car in park and the damn thing realizing what I was up to ran away. I had failed, much like Charlie Brown did when trying to pick a Christmas tree. The only difference is that in the end Charlie Brown didn't really fail after all, and the tree turned out to be a beautiful one once it was shown a little love and caring. On the other hand, no love and caring would make a giant rat beautiful. Or would it?
I bought a huge block of cheese from the local grocery store and proceeded to search the streets for this giant rat. My hope was that he would be lured by the scent of the cheese block and come to me, that way I could show him that I cared for him. Maybe, just maybe that lousy rat would respond to my kindness. All seemed lost, when I heard footsteps. Hark! It was the giant rat. I held out the block of cheese, it slowly came towards me. My hand started to shake. What was it going to do? Would it eat the cheese? Would it eat me? Would it bite off my hand? Well, it didn't eat me? It ate the cheese and my hand. It was about to devour the rest of me, when two gun shots rang out, dropping the rat dead in it's tracks. For it was my ex-girlfriend Alice, she said she had reconsidered and would marry me after all. What a glorious moment in my life. Not only had I successfully helped dispose of the rat, but my girl would marry me after all.
Later on, she left me for a country singer named Bob, but that's another story.
Now how to go about doing it. We told Walter that we desperately wanted him to recite a scene from "Hamlet." He got in the corner, rubbed his temples, and started repeating to himself, "I am Hamlet." Then I crept up behind him and chopped off his head. Of course, after doing so, I learned that the infestation of giant rodents had been defeated, thus making Walter's murder absolutely unnecessary. Then again, no one seemed to care that he was gone.
Walter used to ramble on about how he got rave notices for his portrayal of Will in the high school production of "The Great Easter Egg Hunt." He would ramble about how all the woman fell in love with his sensitive depiction of a love torn intellect caught in a town full of hicks. He also bragged about his ability to improvise, like one time he forgot his line, so after stuttering for a full thirty seconds he came up with this gem, "Have you seen my wallet?" It got a huge applause from the audience or so he said. I later ran into some one who actually saw the play and she said that no one laughed at that line, rather every one in the audience groaned. Which begs the question, what good are actors? Why do they feel there work is so important? Why good are they accomplishing? I could understand acting as a hobby, but as a career? What the hell? Thankfully, Walter could no longer bore us will his long winded soliloquies or horrible slap stick routines. He was as dead as a door nail, just like the greedy Jacob Marley.
Meanwhile, after having successfully survived the giant rat infestation I decided it was time for me to propose to Alice. I popped the question at a Brewers game and she responded by shoving a hot dog in my face and kicking me in the groin. She broke my heart, but all the pain went away after seeing the Brewers destroy the Pirates 12 to 3. It was a great game. Well, great for all the Brewers fans any ways.
I was leaving the stadium in a drunken haze, when I noticed something in the corner of my eye. I looked to my left and ....gasp...saw a giant rat scrounging through the garbage. I realized that this was my moment to shine. I took tip toed to my car, buckled up, turned the ignition key, and slammed my foot on the gas petal. I was going to run the mother fucker down. Unfortunately, I left my car in park and the damn thing realizing what I was up to ran away. I had failed, much like Charlie Brown did when trying to pick a Christmas tree. The only difference is that in the end Charlie Brown didn't really fail after all, and the tree turned out to be a beautiful one once it was shown a little love and caring. On the other hand, no love and caring would make a giant rat beautiful. Or would it?
I bought a huge block of cheese from the local grocery store and proceeded to search the streets for this giant rat. My hope was that he would be lured by the scent of the cheese block and come to me, that way I could show him that I cared for him. Maybe, just maybe that lousy rat would respond to my kindness. All seemed lost, when I heard footsteps. Hark! It was the giant rat. I held out the block of cheese, it slowly came towards me. My hand started to shake. What was it going to do? Would it eat the cheese? Would it eat me? Would it bite off my hand? Well, it didn't eat me? It ate the cheese and my hand. It was about to devour the rest of me, when two gun shots rang out, dropping the rat dead in it's tracks. For it was my ex-girlfriend Alice, she said she had reconsidered and would marry me after all. What a glorious moment in my life. Not only had I successfully helped dispose of the rat, but my girl would marry me after all.
Later on, she left me for a country singer named Bob, but that's another story.
Friday, August 24, 2007
This years Chicago Bears are looking a lot like the 1985 Bears.
I know the past two years us sports writers have been comparing the present day Bears to the 1985 Bears, but this year I'm quite certain they won't let us down. I can't wait for the season to start, that way when the Bears take the field, I can reminisce non-stop about the 1985 Super Bowl champs. When ever the defense puts up impressive numbers I can say, "This is just like the 1985 Bears." Then we can show a clip of Mike Singletary kicking serious ass.
I can't wait to see various clips of The Super Bowl shuffle sprinkled through out the game. Man, this is going to be a fun year. Almost as fun as the 1985 season in which the Bears won the Super Bowl, with that "punky QB known as McMahon." Ha!
I know the past two years us sports writers have been comparing the present day Bears to the 1985 Bears, but this year I'm quite certain they won't let us down. I can't wait for the season to start, that way when the Bears take the field, I can reminisce non-stop about the 1985 Super Bowl champs. When ever the defense puts up impressive numbers I can say, "This is just like the 1985 Bears." Then we can show a clip of Mike Singletary kicking serious ass.
I can't wait to see various clips of The Super Bowl shuffle sprinkled through out the game. Man, this is going to be a fun year. Almost as fun as the 1985 season in which the Bears won the Super Bowl, with that "punky QB known as McMahon." Ha!
Friday, August 03, 2007
Don't worry, I'll fix it in post!
Dude, stop bombarding me with your negativity, this film is going to be alright. Have you not heard of post-production? You can fix anything in post, dude! Look at this action sequence, sure it looks kind of amateurish, but thanks to today's technology I can remove a few frames, speed up the frame and walla, we have a bad ass fight scene. Isn't it awesome!
Bad dialogue? Don't worry, I'll fix it in post.
Flubbed lines? Don't worry, I'll fix it in post.
Overexposed film? Don't worry, I'll fix it in post.
Continuity errors? You know the drill.
You are so negative, you need to have a more positive outlook on life. Oh sweet, look at how cool this shot is. This really going to blow the audience away. Yes, I know the boom mike is in frame, but what have I been telling you for the last ten minutes......we can fix it in post. GEES! Must I be the only voice of reason here? I am an artist after all, therefore I know what is right and what is wrong. And some times wrong can be right and right can be wrong. Do you understand? I thought not. That's why you got an B in Film 101, where as I got an A.
I remember I once made this brilliant movie about a priest masturbating to a picture of the Virgin Mary juxtaposed with a guy drinking a can of Pepsi and the only comment I got was from a Spielberg loving hack who had the nerve to ask, "What is the point?" I told him that art need not have a point and that is all about emotion. Did the film stir you emotionally? He said it put him to sleep. I was offended and walked out of the classroom. But the joke was on him, because in my next film I filmed scene in which a Jurassic Park poster gets bombarded by human feces, while a guy dressed like a nun looks on in disgust.
What does all this have to do with post-production? Well, all my brilliant college films were made in the editing. You see, my rambling has everything to with post-production. Now, c'mon this chicken sex scene won't fix itself! Let's get a move on.
Dude, stop bombarding me with your negativity, this film is going to be alright. Have you not heard of post-production? You can fix anything in post, dude! Look at this action sequence, sure it looks kind of amateurish, but thanks to today's technology I can remove a few frames, speed up the frame and walla, we have a bad ass fight scene. Isn't it awesome!
Bad dialogue? Don't worry, I'll fix it in post.
Flubbed lines? Don't worry, I'll fix it in post.
Overexposed film? Don't worry, I'll fix it in post.
Continuity errors? You know the drill.
You are so negative, you need to have a more positive outlook on life. Oh sweet, look at how cool this shot is. This really going to blow the audience away. Yes, I know the boom mike is in frame, but what have I been telling you for the last ten minutes......we can fix it in post. GEES! Must I be the only voice of reason here? I am an artist after all, therefore I know what is right and what is wrong. And some times wrong can be right and right can be wrong. Do you understand? I thought not. That's why you got an B in Film 101, where as I got an A.
I remember I once made this brilliant movie about a priest masturbating to a picture of the Virgin Mary juxtaposed with a guy drinking a can of Pepsi and the only comment I got was from a Spielberg loving hack who had the nerve to ask, "What is the point?" I told him that art need not have a point and that is all about emotion. Did the film stir you emotionally? He said it put him to sleep. I was offended and walked out of the classroom. But the joke was on him, because in my next film I filmed scene in which a Jurassic Park poster gets bombarded by human feces, while a guy dressed like a nun looks on in disgust.
What does all this have to do with post-production? Well, all my brilliant college films were made in the editing. You see, my rambling has everything to with post-production. Now, c'mon this chicken sex scene won't fix itself! Let's get a move on.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Hey......would you like to.....how you say.......spend the night at my place? I have can of beer we could share and we could ......uhhhhhhhh....watch.....movie on my ten inch, black and white TV.
It will be good time. After movie, we could.......how you say....fuck. You are beauty. You sure you don't want....how you say....spend night at my place. It's BIG!
It will be good time. After movie, we could.......how you say....fuck. You are beauty. You sure you don't want....how you say....spend night at my place. It's BIG!
Friday, July 27, 2007
My vampire movie is going to kick ass!
Hey dude, I'm currently working on this bad ass vampire movie called The Eternalz. I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say it's going to kick ass. In it The Eternalz (due out this Fall) I play a half man-half vampire named Pup, who along with his sexy blonde sidekick Kit, must save the world from a group of fascist vampires. It's pretty fucking awesome. There's this one scene in which Pup (me) takes on four vampires at the same time. I'm not kidding when I say these fight scenes are incredible, they almost rival the fight scenes in my previous film Knife: The Werewolf Slayer (available on DVD August 5). I'll be uploading a teaser trailer for The Eternalz on my website later on this month. I highly recommend you check it out, it will be tight...I mean cool. Who knows maybe a Hollwood exec will see my bad ass movie and sign me to five picture deal. That would rock! I'm an artist, therefore I should be taken seriously. Oh, before I forget the comic book of The Eternalz will be out in mid-September, if you are interested send me a check in the mail and I'll be sure to give you a copy. FAR OUT!
Hey dude, I'm currently working on this bad ass vampire movie called The Eternalz. I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say it's going to kick ass. In it The Eternalz (due out this Fall) I play a half man-half vampire named Pup, who along with his sexy blonde sidekick Kit, must save the world from a group of fascist vampires. It's pretty fucking awesome. There's this one scene in which Pup (me) takes on four vampires at the same time. I'm not kidding when I say these fight scenes are incredible, they almost rival the fight scenes in my previous film Knife: The Werewolf Slayer (available on DVD August 5). I'll be uploading a teaser trailer for The Eternalz on my website later on this month. I highly recommend you check it out, it will be tight...I mean cool. Who knows maybe a Hollwood exec will see my bad ass movie and sign me to five picture deal. That would rock! I'm an artist, therefore I should be taken seriously. Oh, before I forget the comic book of The Eternalz will be out in mid-September, if you are interested send me a check in the mail and I'll be sure to give you a copy. FAR OUT!
OH NO! The love of my life is leaving me. I better get in my car and chase after her. What will I ever do with out her? I got to get to the airport before her plane takes off. Man, I'm hungry. Hey, there's a McDonald's right off this exit. I have more than enough time to go through drive thru and get myself a delicious Big Mac. I'm quite certain of it. It's settled then, I will quickly get myself a Big Mac and then head down to the airport. My girlfriend will understand.
Wow, there's a long wait at the drive thru. Oh well, it's 2:3o now and her plane doesn't take off until 3:30, I should have plenty of time to get there. I know it. Besides, flights usually run late any ways. Oh boy, I can just taste that delicious Big Mac.
Alright, I am next in line. FINALLY!
Hello.....I would like a Big Mac. Wait, make that a Big Mac extra value meal with a large Coke.
ALL RIGHT!
Here's five dollars, keep the change I'm in a hurry.
SLUUURPPPPPPP! CHOMP! GULP! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM sooooo tasty! I love McDonald's. OH SHIT.........a traffic jam. No big deal, it shouldn't take too long to clear up. I have plenty of time to make it to the airport.
Wow, this is taking forever! When will this fucking traffic jam clear up. What is the fucking hold up? C'mon....my happiness is a stake here. Oh look, there's a Dairy Queen off this exit. Well, since traffic is at a stand still, I think I will go there and get myself a M&M Blizzard. ALL RIGHT!
Will our hero make in time to catch his girlfriend? Will he have enough money for an M&M Blizzard? The answer to these questions is a resounding NO! The End.
Wow, there's a long wait at the drive thru. Oh well, it's 2:3o now and her plane doesn't take off until 3:30, I should have plenty of time to get there. I know it. Besides, flights usually run late any ways. Oh boy, I can just taste that delicious Big Mac.
Alright, I am next in line. FINALLY!
Hello.....I would like a Big Mac. Wait, make that a Big Mac extra value meal with a large Coke.
ALL RIGHT!
Here's five dollars, keep the change I'm in a hurry.
SLUUURPPPPPPP! CHOMP! GULP! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM sooooo tasty! I love McDonald's. OH SHIT.........a traffic jam. No big deal, it shouldn't take too long to clear up. I have plenty of time to make it to the airport.
Wow, this is taking forever! When will this fucking traffic jam clear up. What is the fucking hold up? C'mon....my happiness is a stake here. Oh look, there's a Dairy Queen off this exit. Well, since traffic is at a stand still, I think I will go there and get myself a M&M Blizzard. ALL RIGHT!
Will our hero make in time to catch his girlfriend? Will he have enough money for an M&M Blizzard? The answer to these questions is a resounding NO! The End.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
This movie is not supposed to be good. IT'S FUN!
Seriously, you need to lighten up. This film isn't trying to be good, it's mindless entertainment that every one can enjoy. Yeah, I know the storyline is kind of stupid...but that's THE POINT! I mean, c'mon it's not like this film is going to win any Oscars or anything, it's just a fun romp for the whole family. OK, maybe not the whole family, but I think you are taking it way too seriously. I mean...IT'S FUN!
Sure, the characters are undeveloped and the effects sequences are over the top, but again this is not supposed to be a serious movie. If you want to watch a serious movie, then rent some crappy independent film and let us fans have our fun. I'm totally looking forward to the sequel, I hope it's darker than the first. This movie is like Matt Hasselbeck in Super XL.....BAD ASS! What you mean the Seahawks lost Super Bowl XL? Don't give me that crap.
I hate fanboys, who make excuses when the big screen adaptation of their favorite book/cartoon/TV show sucks balls. They will make statements like, "It's not supposed to be good." I particularly hate it when they say, "It's not going to win any Oscars or anything, but....." SHUT UP! These morons have such a blind loyalty to the original series a film is based on that they like any crap Hollywood slaps together and throws in theaters.
"OH MY GOD, MY CHILDHOOD IS FINALLY BEING SHOWN ON THE BIG SCREEN. How can I not like a Transformers movie? I mean, it was my favorite cartoon growing up, therefore the movie has GAWT to be good." Then they see the movie and live in state of denial for the next ten years. Rather than admit the movie sucks, they convince themselves that, "it was.........good. I mean it was good for what it was." Then they see their shitty film two more times, just to show the world that they are loyal fans.
I wonder how many jack asses cheered in Transformers when Megatron said, "You have failed me again Starscream." I can just picture all the baseball cap wearing, nacho eating douchebags high fiving each other after hearing that line.
"ALRIGHT BRO! They remained faithful to the cartoon by having Megatron despise Starscream. BAD ASS! Where's my Mountain Dew? I got a Milk Dud in my flip flops."
Meanwhile, a bro's girlfriend who he forced into seeing this pile of dreck is thinking to herself, "Why am I here?" Then when she reaches over to grab a handful of popcorn, the Hasselbeck loving bro says, "Babe, you're blocking the screen. I can't see Optimus Prime in his full glory."
The girlfriend sits back in her seat, fights back her tears, contemplating suicide because death would be far more preferable to watching Transformers for another ten minutes.
OK, maybe I am exaggerating a tad bit. But that's just in my nature.
Meanwhile in the next auditorium a group of Pirates of the Caribbean fans are watching At World's End for the fifth time, still fooling themselves that it gets better with every viewing.
"Jack Sparrow is the Matt Hasselbeck of pirates."
Why this obsession with Matt Hasselbeck you ask? Because he was a complete nothing of a quarterback for like five years and then when the Seahawks finally made it to the Super Bowl
he became, "one of the elite." During the Seahawks Super Bowl run, a whole shitload of Starbucks drinking socialists jumped on the Matt Hasselbeck bandwagon spouting premature dribble like, "He's the best quarterback EVER!" Then the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl and like all Pirates and Transformer fans, the Hasselbeck crowd lived in denial. They couldn't comprehend how their bad ass quarterback lost Super Bowl XL, so they starting making excuses like, "It was the referee's fault." All I know is that the Seahawks lost and Hasselbeck ended their hopes of coming back by throwing a costly interception. BAD ASS!
I remember I was in this same state of denial after seeing Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. After first, I thought to myself, "It wasn't......BAD." Then I said, "Well, it's the first chapter in a saga, therefore it's going to have a lot of shortcomings. I really can't judge it until I've seen all three." Finally, after living in denial for a year I finally came out and admitted that The Phantom Menace sucked. I liked because it had Star Wars in the title, therefore it couldn't possibly be bad. Well, we all know differently know.
Wow, this was quite a rant. Did you get that? I hope you were able to follow it.
Seriously, you need to lighten up. This film isn't trying to be good, it's mindless entertainment that every one can enjoy. Yeah, I know the storyline is kind of stupid...but that's THE POINT! I mean, c'mon it's not like this film is going to win any Oscars or anything, it's just a fun romp for the whole family. OK, maybe not the whole family, but I think you are taking it way too seriously. I mean...IT'S FUN!
Sure, the characters are undeveloped and the effects sequences are over the top, but again this is not supposed to be a serious movie. If you want to watch a serious movie, then rent some crappy independent film and let us fans have our fun. I'm totally looking forward to the sequel, I hope it's darker than the first. This movie is like Matt Hasselbeck in Super XL.....BAD ASS! What you mean the Seahawks lost Super Bowl XL? Don't give me that crap.
I hate fanboys, who make excuses when the big screen adaptation of their favorite book/cartoon/TV show sucks balls. They will make statements like, "It's not supposed to be good." I particularly hate it when they say, "It's not going to win any Oscars or anything, but....." SHUT UP! These morons have such a blind loyalty to the original series a film is based on that they like any crap Hollywood slaps together and throws in theaters.
"OH MY GOD, MY CHILDHOOD IS FINALLY BEING SHOWN ON THE BIG SCREEN. How can I not like a Transformers movie? I mean, it was my favorite cartoon growing up, therefore the movie has GAWT to be good." Then they see the movie and live in state of denial for the next ten years. Rather than admit the movie sucks, they convince themselves that, "it was.........good. I mean it was good for what it was." Then they see their shitty film two more times, just to show the world that they are loyal fans.
I wonder how many jack asses cheered in Transformers when Megatron said, "You have failed me again Starscream." I can just picture all the baseball cap wearing, nacho eating douchebags high fiving each other after hearing that line.
"ALRIGHT BRO! They remained faithful to the cartoon by having Megatron despise Starscream. BAD ASS! Where's my Mountain Dew? I got a Milk Dud in my flip flops."
Meanwhile, a bro's girlfriend who he forced into seeing this pile of dreck is thinking to herself, "Why am I here?" Then when she reaches over to grab a handful of popcorn, the Hasselbeck loving bro says, "Babe, you're blocking the screen. I can't see Optimus Prime in his full glory."
The girlfriend sits back in her seat, fights back her tears, contemplating suicide because death would be far more preferable to watching Transformers for another ten minutes.
OK, maybe I am exaggerating a tad bit. But that's just in my nature.
Meanwhile in the next auditorium a group of Pirates of the Caribbean fans are watching At World's End for the fifth time, still fooling themselves that it gets better with every viewing.
"Jack Sparrow is the Matt Hasselbeck of pirates."
Why this obsession with Matt Hasselbeck you ask? Because he was a complete nothing of a quarterback for like five years and then when the Seahawks finally made it to the Super Bowl
he became, "one of the elite." During the Seahawks Super Bowl run, a whole shitload of Starbucks drinking socialists jumped on the Matt Hasselbeck bandwagon spouting premature dribble like, "He's the best quarterback EVER!" Then the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl and like all Pirates and Transformer fans, the Hasselbeck crowd lived in denial. They couldn't comprehend how their bad ass quarterback lost Super Bowl XL, so they starting making excuses like, "It was the referee's fault." All I know is that the Seahawks lost and Hasselbeck ended their hopes of coming back by throwing a costly interception. BAD ASS!
I remember I was in this same state of denial after seeing Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. After first, I thought to myself, "It wasn't......BAD." Then I said, "Well, it's the first chapter in a saga, therefore it's going to have a lot of shortcomings. I really can't judge it until I've seen all three." Finally, after living in denial for a year I finally came out and admitted that The Phantom Menace sucked. I liked because it had Star Wars in the title, therefore it couldn't possibly be bad. Well, we all know differently know.
Wow, this was quite a rant. Did you get that? I hope you were able to follow it.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
OH NO! I'm being consumed by sarcasm. HELP! I can no longer say anything with out being ironic. SHIT! I used to genuinely enjoy life, now I constantly find myself rolling my eyes while making comments like, "That was COOL!" For instance, yesterday my friend told me she went to a Bon Jovi concert and a replied in a typical snooty matter, "That is so awesome. I love Bon Jovi." She of course didn't get the sarcasm and was like, "I know, Bon Jovi kicks ass!" I live with this curse every day of my life. I once woke up from a dream I had and said, "OH! That was realllllly scary. I'm trembling with fear," then I realized I was talking to myself. I went to refrigerator, poured myself a glass of milk and said, "Oh, I LOVE 2% fat milk." Once again, no one was around and yet here I was being snarky. What the hell? That odd thing is that I do like 2% milk, so why did I say it in a sarcastic manner? I think I will watch TV, I LOVE VH1.......DAMN IT!
You know what is sidesplittingly hilarious? When women break into a drunken rendition of "Baby Got Back." It just never gets old, no matter how many times you hear it. It's something I look forward to every time I go out drinking. I'll be sitting at a bar, thinking to myself, "I sure hope a drunken female sings the Sir Mix-A-Lot classic. My life will not be complete with out it." Their sense of irony is hilarious. Get it? Cause "Baby Got Back" is sexist song that treats women as sex objects, hence it is hilarious when a woman sings it, because she's making a statement. It's brilliant social commentary disguised as mindless entertainment. It's like Transformers, only nine and a half times better. It's like Shrek 3, only with out the ulgy ogre. It's like Peyton Manning, utterly infallible. I could make more analogies, but that would take forever.
You know what makes their rendition of "Baby Got Back" even better? When the drunken women start shaking their asses, while singing the song. They are being doubly ironic. Yes, they are mockingly putting their bodies up for display. They are challenging the status quo. They are saying, "Yeah, here's my body. Enjoy it if you will, but there's more to me than just a nice ass." GENIUS! I can't tell you how many men have changed their perspectives on women after seeing a drunken, hot chick er I mean an intelligent, young lady singing "Baby Got Back" at a bar. At first they see the lovely lass as an object, but then as the song progresses they start thinking, "HMMMMMM! Maybe there's more to this babe than just a nice face!" By the end of the song, they have converted to being full fledged feminists.
You know what makes their rendition of "Baby Got Back" even better? When the drunken women start shaking their asses, while singing the song. They are being doubly ironic. Yes, they are mockingly putting their bodies up for display. They are challenging the status quo. They are saying, "Yeah, here's my body. Enjoy it if you will, but there's more to me than just a nice ass." GENIUS! I can't tell you how many men have changed their perspectives on women after seeing a drunken, hot chick er I mean an intelligent, young lady singing "Baby Got Back" at a bar. At first they see the lovely lass as an object, but then as the song progresses they start thinking, "HMMMMMM! Maybe there's more to this babe than just a nice face!" By the end of the song, they have converted to being full fledged feminists.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
That's not nice, you're so mean.
I can't believe you did that. How could you treat a fellow human being so horribly? That wasn't nice at all, you're such a mean person. I never thought a person could stoop so low, but you have jut proven me wrong. That's not nice, you're so mean. Have you told Taylor yet? You at least owe him an explanation. Man, you truly are a mean person. What happened to you? You used to be such a sweet, loving person, now you seem to take delight in other people's suffering. That's not nice, you're so mean.
This is post is my lame attempt at writing soap opera dialogue. I hope you have enjoyed it!
I can't believe you did that. How could you treat a fellow human being so horribly? That wasn't nice at all, you're such a mean person. I never thought a person could stoop so low, but you have jut proven me wrong. That's not nice, you're so mean. Have you told Taylor yet? You at least owe him an explanation. Man, you truly are a mean person. What happened to you? You used to be such a sweet, loving person, now you seem to take delight in other people's suffering. That's not nice, you're so mean.
This is post is my lame attempt at writing soap opera dialogue. I hope you have enjoyed it!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
The Dumbest Quote I Have Ever Read!
A few months ago I did on a post on the 10 Dumbest Quotes I have ever read/heard, well I recently came across a quote on IMDB that is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have ever read.
This quote comes off the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End message board, a Pirates hater started a thread entitled "Not breaking $300 Million." In response a Pirates fan wrote:
Besides, all this talk about AWE not making it to $300 Million domestically & being such a huge disappointment will only drive all of us who loved this movie to see it a few more times through out the summer just to help it gross over $300 + Million easily! Savvy!
What makes this quote so idiotic is how the poster makes it seem like At World's End is a lost cause worth fighting for. He/she makes it sound like this huge budgeted, over blown piece of crap is some how an under dog in need of our help. Forget all the charities that help the sick, the poor, and victims of natural disasters, it is far more important that At World's End breaks $300 Million domestically or else everything as we know it will come to a cataclysmic end. Johnny Depp must get paid!!!! And Orlando Bloom! What's to become of him if At World's End doesn't break the $300 Million mark? The horror of it all!
Well fanboys need not worry, At World's End has undeservedly passed the $300 Million mark. The world is a safe place to live in again.
A few months ago I did on a post on the 10 Dumbest Quotes I have ever read/heard, well I recently came across a quote on IMDB that is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have ever read.
This quote comes off the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End message board, a Pirates hater started a thread entitled "Not breaking $300 Million." In response a Pirates fan wrote:
Besides, all this talk about AWE not making it to $300 Million domestically & being such a huge disappointment will only drive all of us who loved this movie to see it a few more times through out the summer just to help it gross over $300 + Million easily! Savvy!
What makes this quote so idiotic is how the poster makes it seem like At World's End is a lost cause worth fighting for. He/she makes it sound like this huge budgeted, over blown piece of crap is some how an under dog in need of our help. Forget all the charities that help the sick, the poor, and victims of natural disasters, it is far more important that At World's End breaks $300 Million domestically or else everything as we know it will come to a cataclysmic end. Johnny Depp must get paid!!!! And Orlando Bloom! What's to become of him if At World's End doesn't break the $300 Million mark? The horror of it all!
Well fanboys need not worry, At World's End has undeservedly passed the $300 Million mark. The world is a safe place to live in again.
How to write a shitty horror film:
1. Cast an incredibly hot actress in the lead role. She doesn't have to be a good actress, just hot.
2. Cast incredibly hot actresses in supporting roles. They don't have to be great actresses, just hot.
3. Make sure there is lots of pointless nudity.
4. Torture the hot actresses. Make the film as gory as possible. It may not be scary, but it should induce vomiting. After all, horror films are no longer about being scary, just being disgusting.
5. The killer must be faceless. It is important that he remain faceless the entire film, just so when his identity is revealed at the film's end, audiences will be shocked.
6. Finally, slap on a nonsensical twist ending, just so you can fool audiences into thinking they were watching a complex, intelligent thriller.
7. If possible, try to leave it open for a sequel. Americans love sequels!
1. Cast an incredibly hot actress in the lead role. She doesn't have to be a good actress, just hot.
2. Cast incredibly hot actresses in supporting roles. They don't have to be great actresses, just hot.
3. Make sure there is lots of pointless nudity.
4. Torture the hot actresses. Make the film as gory as possible. It may not be scary, but it should induce vomiting. After all, horror films are no longer about being scary, just being disgusting.
5. The killer must be faceless. It is important that he remain faceless the entire film, just so when his identity is revealed at the film's end, audiences will be shocked.
6. Finally, slap on a nonsensical twist ending, just so you can fool audiences into thinking they were watching a complex, intelligent thriller.
7. If possible, try to leave it open for a sequel. Americans love sequels!
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Transformers has an 8.2 rating on IMDB.
What further proof to you need that people have lowered their standards so much that when a film simply doesn't suck, it's prematurely labeled a classic? It was bad enough when every one thought the Pirates films were the second coming of cinema, but now we have people who think Transformers is a great film, simply because it's not as bad as they expected it to be.
I can just imagine the conversation people have while exiting the movie theatre:
Dude: Wow, that movie was pretty good.
Bro: Yeah, it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be.
Dude: I know, the special effects were pretty bad ass.
Bro: Dude, I'm totally going to buy it when it comes out DVD.
Dude: Me too! I bet it will have kick ass special features, bro!
Then when Transformers does come out on DVD, Dude and Bro will go to Best Buy on Tuesday, buy the damn DVD, and put it on their shelves where it will collect dust for the next five years.
The fact is Transformers is your typical, forgetable summer blockbuster that every one sees opening weekend and then forgets about on Monday. That's why it annoys me to see all these damn fanboys saying things like, "BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER!" and, "BEST MOVIE EVER!" I have no qualms it you actually enjoyed this atrocity, just stop pretending its a classic.
I'm sure its rating on IMDB will plummet big time, but it just sad that it's gotten such undeserving praise by so many people. Then again, the IMDB community only represents about 10% of actual movie goers, so their opinion is not necessarily that of the people, at least I hope not.
What further proof to you need that people have lowered their standards so much that when a film simply doesn't suck, it's prematurely labeled a classic? It was bad enough when every one thought the Pirates films were the second coming of cinema, but now we have people who think Transformers is a great film, simply because it's not as bad as they expected it to be.
I can just imagine the conversation people have while exiting the movie theatre:
Dude: Wow, that movie was pretty good.
Bro: Yeah, it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be.
Dude: I know, the special effects were pretty bad ass.
Bro: Dude, I'm totally going to buy it when it comes out DVD.
Dude: Me too! I bet it will have kick ass special features, bro!
Then when Transformers does come out on DVD, Dude and Bro will go to Best Buy on Tuesday, buy the damn DVD, and put it on their shelves where it will collect dust for the next five years.
The fact is Transformers is your typical, forgetable summer blockbuster that every one sees opening weekend and then forgets about on Monday. That's why it annoys me to see all these damn fanboys saying things like, "BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER!" and, "BEST MOVIE EVER!" I have no qualms it you actually enjoyed this atrocity, just stop pretending its a classic.
I'm sure its rating on IMDB will plummet big time, but it just sad that it's gotten such undeserving praise by so many people. Then again, the IMDB community only represents about 10% of actual movie goers, so their opinion is not necessarily that of the people, at least I hope not.
Why can't people ever shut up?
Last night, my friend Peter and I took a bus down to Summerfest, and for some reason every one on the bus decided that they had to be as loud as humanly possible. The whole back section was clapping their hands and singing songs like "Tubthumper," while a couple of annoying teenaged girls kept screaming everytime the bus came to a sudden stop or made a sudden turn. I was convinced that I had died and gone to hell. After last night, my hatred for humanity has shot up another 350%.
Last night, my friend Peter and I took a bus down to Summerfest, and for some reason every one on the bus decided that they had to be as loud as humanly possible. The whole back section was clapping their hands and singing songs like "Tubthumper," while a couple of annoying teenaged girls kept screaming everytime the bus came to a sudden stop or made a sudden turn. I was convinced that I had died and gone to hell. After last night, my hatred for humanity has shot up another 350%.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Another damn AFI top 100 list!
The AFI did yet another 100 film list, rather than type out their selections, I have decided to provide a link instead.
2007 AFI list of top 100 movies - USATODAY.com
I have mixed feelings about this list; I was over joyed to see that the Buster Keaton film The General was number 18 on the list, considering that it was overlooked on the 1998 list. Plus, I was ultra-happy to see that the grossly over-rated film The Graduate was no longer in the top 10 (thought it still remains in the top 20, which is way too high).
On the other hand, a lot of the films on the original list got dropped in favor of such fare like The Sixth Sense, The Shawshank Redemption, Titanic, Saving Private Ryan, etc. I can't believe classics like Patton, Stagecoach, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Third Man, From Here to Eternity, and The Manchurian Candidate were taken off the list in favor of these films. I was happy to see: A Place in the Sun, The Jazz Singer, Dances With Wolves, Guess Who's Coming To Dinner, An American in Paris, and Rebel Without a Cause taken off the list, because frankly none of them have aged very well.
Hopefully if the AFI does another list in ten years they will have the decency to vote off Forrest Gump, Rocky, Sound of Music, Sophie's Choice, West Side Story, Saving Private Ryan, The Sixth Sense, The Graduate, and other undeserving fare.
And finally, why is Citizen Kane always number one? I like Citizen Kane, it's a great movie and definitely deserves to be ranked high on a top 100 list, but can't the members of the AFI just for once give the number one slot to a different film. Why not Encino Man? Or Teen Wolf? Anything other than Citizen Kane.
The AFI did yet another 100 film list, rather than type out their selections, I have decided to provide a link instead.
2007 AFI list of top 100 movies - USATODAY.com
I have mixed feelings about this list; I was over joyed to see that the Buster Keaton film The General was number 18 on the list, considering that it was overlooked on the 1998 list. Plus, I was ultra-happy to see that the grossly over-rated film The Graduate was no longer in the top 10 (thought it still remains in the top 20, which is way too high).
On the other hand, a lot of the films on the original list got dropped in favor of such fare like The Sixth Sense, The Shawshank Redemption, Titanic, Saving Private Ryan, etc. I can't believe classics like Patton, Stagecoach, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Third Man, From Here to Eternity, and The Manchurian Candidate were taken off the list in favor of these films. I was happy to see: A Place in the Sun, The Jazz Singer, Dances With Wolves, Guess Who's Coming To Dinner, An American in Paris, and Rebel Without a Cause taken off the list, because frankly none of them have aged very well.
Hopefully if the AFI does another list in ten years they will have the decency to vote off Forrest Gump, Rocky, Sound of Music, Sophie's Choice, West Side Story, Saving Private Ryan, The Sixth Sense, The Graduate, and other undeserving fare.
And finally, why is Citizen Kane always number one? I like Citizen Kane, it's a great movie and definitely deserves to be ranked high on a top 100 list, but can't the members of the AFI just for once give the number one slot to a different film. Why not Encino Man? Or Teen Wolf? Anything other than Citizen Kane.
What the next Indiana Jones film should be about!
Now that Indiana Jones 4 has officially gone into production, I have decided to waste my time by presenting to you my treatment of the story. Yeah, I know it will never get made, but I really have nothing better to do, so with out further ado, here is my idea for the next Indiana Jones film:
An elderly Indiana Jones sits down at the kitchen table and is about to pour himself a delicious bowl of Wheaties. He grabs the box of Wheaties and is stunned to find that it is empty. NO WHEATIES! What ever shall he do? Without haste he grabs his car keys, jumps in the car, and heads to the local Grocery Store.
He parks in his car in the parking lot, gets out and slowly but surely walks towards the grocery store. He grabs a cart, just in case he needs more food items, and makes his way to the cereal aisle. He reaches finally reaches the aisle, when to his utter shock and amazement he sees an elderly Nazi grabbing the last box of Wheaties.
"STOP!" shouts Indy.
"Vhat?" says the Nazi.
"That's my box of Wheaties."
"No, it's mine!"
"Not any more."
Indy take out his whip, swings it over his head, and lassos it around the box of Wheaties. With all his might he pulls the box of Wheaties out of the evil Nazi's hand and takes off running.
"Come back here!" shouts the Nazi.
"No, you come back here!" says Indy, laughing at his nonsensical comment.
"You vill pay!" shouts the Nazi.
The Nazi spots a shopping cart and pushes it in Indy's direction. Indy turns around, sees the cart coming and increases his speed. It looks like he's home free, when he slips on the wet floor and falls on his back. The force of the impact causes the box of Wheaties to fly out his hand and into the arms of the Nazi. The shopping cart is about to run over Indy, he quickly rolls out of it's path.
"The VHEATIES ARE MINE DR. JONES!" says the Nazi in a triumphant voice. He's about to walk to the check out lane, when he spots free samples of cheese. He takes a sample from the tray, puts it in his mouth and is pleased. Just then he feels a tap on his shoulder, it is an extremely pissed off Indiana Jones. He punches the Nazi in the face, which sends the Nazi flying into a cart filled with tomatoes. Indiana takes the box of Wheaties from the comatose Nazi and heads to the check out lane. He has triumphed. So ends this installment of Indiana Jones.
Now that Indiana Jones 4 has officially gone into production, I have decided to waste my time by presenting to you my treatment of the story. Yeah, I know it will never get made, but I really have nothing better to do, so with out further ado, here is my idea for the next Indiana Jones film:
An elderly Indiana Jones sits down at the kitchen table and is about to pour himself a delicious bowl of Wheaties. He grabs the box of Wheaties and is stunned to find that it is empty. NO WHEATIES! What ever shall he do? Without haste he grabs his car keys, jumps in the car, and heads to the local Grocery Store.
He parks in his car in the parking lot, gets out and slowly but surely walks towards the grocery store. He grabs a cart, just in case he needs more food items, and makes his way to the cereal aisle. He reaches finally reaches the aisle, when to his utter shock and amazement he sees an elderly Nazi grabbing the last box of Wheaties.
"STOP!" shouts Indy.
"Vhat?" says the Nazi.
"That's my box of Wheaties."
"No, it's mine!"
"Not any more."
Indy take out his whip, swings it over his head, and lassos it around the box of Wheaties. With all his might he pulls the box of Wheaties out of the evil Nazi's hand and takes off running.
"Come back here!" shouts the Nazi.
"No, you come back here!" says Indy, laughing at his nonsensical comment.
"You vill pay!" shouts the Nazi.
The Nazi spots a shopping cart and pushes it in Indy's direction. Indy turns around, sees the cart coming and increases his speed. It looks like he's home free, when he slips on the wet floor and falls on his back. The force of the impact causes the box of Wheaties to fly out his hand and into the arms of the Nazi. The shopping cart is about to run over Indy, he quickly rolls out of it's path.
"The VHEATIES ARE MINE DR. JONES!" says the Nazi in a triumphant voice. He's about to walk to the check out lane, when he spots free samples of cheese. He takes a sample from the tray, puts it in his mouth and is pleased. Just then he feels a tap on his shoulder, it is an extremely pissed off Indiana Jones. He punches the Nazi in the face, which sends the Nazi flying into a cart filled with tomatoes. Indiana takes the box of Wheaties from the comatose Nazi and heads to the check out lane. He has triumphed. So ends this installment of Indiana Jones.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Let's see Knocked Up
C'mon we got to see Knocked Up, it has been getting good word of mouth, therefore we MUST see it. It's got an 8.3 on IMDB. I don't want to be the odd man out. I just got to know what every one is laughing about. It can't possibly be bad; I mean it's from the guy who made The 40 Year-Old Virgin and that movie was pretty......good...it wasn't hysterically funny but it was........amusing. My friend Todd saw it and he said he loved it and you know how Todd is never wrong about anything. Can we please see it? If we go, I'll buy you a tray of pretzel bites. You know you love pretzel bites! It will be bad ass, even more bad ass than Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. What do you say? I'll even sit through Shrek 3 again if you promise to see Knocked Up with me. C'mon, I don't want to see it alone, I'll look like a freak.
C'mon we got to see Knocked Up, it has been getting good word of mouth, therefore we MUST see it. It's got an 8.3 on IMDB. I don't want to be the odd man out. I just got to know what every one is laughing about. It can't possibly be bad; I mean it's from the guy who made The 40 Year-Old Virgin and that movie was pretty......good...it wasn't hysterically funny but it was........amusing. My friend Todd saw it and he said he loved it and you know how Todd is never wrong about anything. Can we please see it? If we go, I'll buy you a tray of pretzel bites. You know you love pretzel bites! It will be bad ass, even more bad ass than Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. What do you say? I'll even sit through Shrek 3 again if you promise to see Knocked Up with me. C'mon, I don't want to see it alone, I'll look like a freak.
Friday, June 08, 2007
I recently wasted a few minutes reading over the Paris Hilton message boards on IMDB and have come to two different conclusions:
1. Paris Hilton is a saint, who doesn't deserve the treatment she is getting.
2. Paris Hilton is a no talent whore, who didn't get nearly what she deserved.
Here is question: Why do people like Paris Hilton? I usually try to see the good in every thing; lord knows I tried to see the good in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, but that proved to be impossible, but Paris Hilton, there is absolutely nothing there. Her Pirates loving, MTV watching fans make it seem like Paris got a raw deal, when in actuality she is SOLELY responsible for all the misfortunes that has befallen her. She has no one to blame but herself, but her fans would rather believe that there is a conspiracy to bring down Paris Hilton, rather than accept the obvious.
Just think in a couple of years...hell maybe even months...there is going to be a crappy made for TV Paris Hilton movie about her irresponsible way of living, her downfall, her time in prison, and her redemption. The final scene would see a teary eyed Paris vowing to do good in the world, followed by a freeze frame of her high fiving Zack Morris after having saved the animals from the evil oil corporation. Mark my word this will happen.
In fact, why am I writing about this, when I could be selling this idea to a studio. GENIUS!
1. Paris Hilton is a saint, who doesn't deserve the treatment she is getting.
2. Paris Hilton is a no talent whore, who didn't get nearly what she deserved.
Here is question: Why do people like Paris Hilton? I usually try to see the good in every thing; lord knows I tried to see the good in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, but that proved to be impossible, but Paris Hilton, there is absolutely nothing there. Her Pirates loving, MTV watching fans make it seem like Paris got a raw deal, when in actuality she is SOLELY responsible for all the misfortunes that has befallen her. She has no one to blame but herself, but her fans would rather believe that there is a conspiracy to bring down Paris Hilton, rather than accept the obvious.
Just think in a couple of years...hell maybe even months...there is going to be a crappy made for TV Paris Hilton movie about her irresponsible way of living, her downfall, her time in prison, and her redemption. The final scene would see a teary eyed Paris vowing to do good in the world, followed by a freeze frame of her high fiving Zack Morris after having saved the animals from the evil oil corporation. Mark my word this will happen.
In fact, why am I writing about this, when I could be selling this idea to a studio. GENIUS!
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