News:

Minor:
Video Did Not Kill Radio Star, Alcohol Poisoning Did!

Green Bay Packers Win a Free Whopper!

Pauly Shore To Star In a Remake of Police Academy 4!

George W. Bush declares war on Nature, promises, "No forces of nature will ever invade American soil again!"

Major news break:

"Hotter Then Ever" Girl Visits My Blog!

That's right, it turns out that a girl, whom has identified herself as "hotter than ever" visits my blog. Why is this such big news? 1) It's a girl. 2) Not just any girl, but a girl that is hotter than ever. YES! In the future I will do my best to attract more "hotter than ever" girls, until I isolate all my loyal readers and become a shallow, superficial son of a bitch, much like Jason Gedrick in the 1985 masterpiece The Heavenly Kid. To the "hotter than ever" girl, I can only say thank you. You have given me hope when they was none. You have given me life, when there was only death. Go Green Bay!