The DaVinci Code LIED TO ME!
After seeing the trailer for the upcoming The Passion of the Christ prequel The Nativity Story, I realized that I was deceived by The DaVinci Code. Satan in the form of Tom Hanks, Ron Howard and Dan Brown made me have doubts about the virgin birth and the resurrection. The DaVinci Code made me question the bible and my faith. I was a lost soul, until I saw the trailer forThe Nativity Story. Thanks to that trailer my faith in Jesus has been restored, Hallelujah! Praise be to God! I decided to celebrate my restored faith by watching The Passion of the Christ and if there's time afterwards maybe I'll read the scriptures.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Ladies and gentlemen, the Bears are for real.
The Chicago Bears last night victory over the Arizona Cardinals proved once and for all that they are for real. They were losing 20-0 at half time, but some how they found a way to win. And that's what good teams do, they find a way to win. Granted, the Bears offense contributed nothing to the game, but that's besides the point. You don't need a good offense, when you have a good defense. The Bears defense found a way to win and that's what good defenses do. When your offense is struggling, your defense has to give them a helping hand and that's what the Bears did. They found away to win. I repeat they found a way to win. Just in case you didn't hear me the first five times: THEY FOUND A WAY TO WIN! Got it? The Bears are the real deal and they are here to stay. However, in the words of the immortal Mike Holmgren, "WE'RE NOT DONE YET!"
The Chicago Bears last night victory over the Arizona Cardinals proved once and for all that they are for real. They were losing 20-0 at half time, but some how they found a way to win. And that's what good teams do, they find a way to win. Granted, the Bears offense contributed nothing to the game, but that's besides the point. You don't need a good offense, when you have a good defense. The Bears defense found a way to win and that's what good defenses do. When your offense is struggling, your defense has to give them a helping hand and that's what the Bears did. They found away to win. I repeat they found a way to win. Just in case you didn't hear me the first five times: THEY FOUND A WAY TO WIN! Got it? The Bears are the real deal and they are here to stay. However, in the words of the immortal Mike Holmgren, "WE'RE NOT DONE YET!"
I hate George W. Bush, therefore I am a good person.
I hate George W. Bush. He's a Nazi! Anybody who supports Bush is a horrible person, where as I am a good person. I don't believe in war, I'm for peace and love. Bush hates peace! He hates peace, because peace is something you can't tax, man. He hates love, because love has no price tag. What ever Bush can't buy he hates.
I oppose Bush, which makes me one righteous dude.
Yesterday, I saw a minority on the street and gave him a dollar. I told him it must be hard living in poverty. He told me that he didn't need my dollar and that he was working a full time job. I admired his courage and optimism; here was a man living at the bottom of the barrel and yet he refused my assistance. He wanted to make it on his own. Wow, what an inspiration. However, I insisted that he keep the dollar and walked away feeling good about myself. I'd like to think I am making a difference in this world. You don't see Bush and his mindless supporters wanting to make a difference. They represent death, where as my liberal colleagues and I represent life. Look, another minority! I better take care of him, because he can't take care of himself. Hey minority let me buy you a dinner! No, don't run away, I want to help you. WAIT! I wonder why they keep refusing my help!
Look at the time, I got to be at an anti-war rally in fifteen minutes. Look out Bush, the revolution is here! Viva la Revolution!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The five worst movies of all time by Random IMDB User
1. Dr. Stragelove - Tis movie is so gay. I did not get that scene in which that guy rides bomb. STUPID. The box said it was a comedy, but I did nawt laugh once. Give me Little Nicky instead, that movie is hilarious.
2. King Kong (the stupid old one) This movie suckd. It's efect were not as good as the Peter Jackzon verzion. I was so disappointed.
3. Gremblins - This movie needs to be remade with computer effects. I hat puppet effects ,there not as cool as computers.
4. The Godfather - SNOOOZE! It was no Scarface. This movie is boring. Not enough action and blood, not to mention nudity. I didn't even make it to the end.
5. Jaws - wtf? This movie sooooo bad. I mean, it was like a poor man's Deep Blue Sea! That movie was awesome. The sharks in that movie were BAD ASS, like Vince Vauhn. The shark in Jaw was so fake. I mean, it sucked. I kept laughing at how stupid it looked. WTF? I mean seriously, waht the fuk?
Note: The opinions expressed by Random IMDB user are not those of this blog.
1. Dr. Stragelove - Tis movie is so gay. I did not get that scene in which that guy rides bomb. STUPID. The box said it was a comedy, but I did nawt laugh once. Give me Little Nicky instead, that movie is hilarious.
2. King Kong (the stupid old one) This movie suckd. It's efect were not as good as the Peter Jackzon verzion. I was so disappointed.
3. Gremblins - This movie needs to be remade with computer effects. I hat puppet effects ,there not as cool as computers.
4. The Godfather - SNOOOZE! It was no Scarface. This movie is boring. Not enough action and blood, not to mention nudity. I didn't even make it to the end.
5. Jaws - wtf? This movie sooooo bad. I mean, it was like a poor man's Deep Blue Sea! That movie was awesome. The sharks in that movie were BAD ASS, like Vince Vauhn. The shark in Jaw was so fake. I mean, it sucked. I kept laughing at how stupid it looked. WTF? I mean seriously, waht the fuk?
Note: The opinions expressed by Random IMDB user are not those of this blog.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Hey, what's up? I just read your profile. You sound pretty cool, lol. I see that you like heavy metal, I also like heavy metal. We have so much in common, lmao. We should hang out some time, rofl. I see you like movies about vampires, I like them too :) We should get together and watch some vampire movie, lol. I hope to hear from you soon ;)
Thursday, September 28, 2006
That's nawt funny!
Hey bro, leave those babes alone! You're NAWT funny! Do you see any one laughing? No one's laughing! Why is no one laughing? Cause you're NAWT funny! OK bro, just back away from those babes, before me and my three bros kick your ass. Hey, what did I just say dude? Don't worry babes will take care of you. We'll teach this fucker a thing or two about manners.
HEY DUDE, YOU'RE NAWT FUNNY! Stop acting like you are funny, cause you're not. No one in this restaurant thinks you are being funny. No one. Do you understand English? You're no Jack Sparrow man.
Hey bro, leave those babes alone! You're NAWT funny! Do you see any one laughing? No one's laughing! Why is no one laughing? Cause you're NAWT funny! OK bro, just back away from those babes, before me and my three bros kick your ass. Hey, what did I just say dude? Don't worry babes will take care of you. We'll teach this fucker a thing or two about manners.
HEY DUDE, YOU'RE NAWT FUNNY! Stop acting like you are funny, cause you're not. No one in this restaurant thinks you are being funny. No one. Do you understand English? You're no Jack Sparrow man.
If you wondering why I have not updated my blog in two months, it's because I have not had the interet since early July. I finally got the Internet last week, but my computer went to shit on me, so I had to have it fixed. My wonderful brother-in-law Byron got my computer running again, but then I found I couldn't couldn't access the Internet. So I called Time Warner today and now as you can see, I have the Internet. Isn't that great? I thought so.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest was not the bad ass film I was expecting it to be.
Last night, I put on my best pirate outfit and went to see the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I loved the first film SO MUCH! I remember I saw the first film three weeks after it came out after hearing good things from my best friend. I went and was pleasantly surprised. I loved the film so much that I saw it five times in the theatre and bought anything that had Johnny Depp's face pasted on it. When I heard about the sequel, I was psyched. I HAD to see the midnight show. You're not a true Pirates fan, unless you go to the midnight show. I decided I would go to the midnight show dressed up as a pirate, so I went to a costume store and bought a pirate outfit. I was amazed at how many people dressed up. I arrived three hours early and spent most of the time hitting on a group of busty maidens. One maiden gave me her number and later on we walked the deck, if you know what I mean. Ha Ha!
Midnight finally came; after waiting three hours the opening credits began to roll. There were enthusiastic cheers and applause from the audience. A few people even cracked a few jokes in the first couple of minutes. Then the first hour rolled by, so far I wasn't impressed by what I was seeing. It's not that it was bad; it just wasn't the same experience I had with the first film. However, it is a two and a half hour film, which gives it plenty of time to improve. Then another half hour rolled by; it seemed like an eternity. I kept checking my watch, it was 1:30, which meant I had another hour to go. "Maybe it will pick up in the last hour," I said to myself. It didn't. I got so bored with the film, that I went out for a cigarette. What happened? The first Pirates was bad ass, this one was just bad. I mean...it wasn't bad, it had it's good points, but compared to the wonderful original it didn't live up to my standards. After seeing Dead Man's Chest, I don't have any desire to see the third Pirates of the Caribbean.
Last night, I put on my best pirate outfit and went to see the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I loved the first film SO MUCH! I remember I saw the first film three weeks after it came out after hearing good things from my best friend. I went and was pleasantly surprised. I loved the film so much that I saw it five times in the theatre and bought anything that had Johnny Depp's face pasted on it. When I heard about the sequel, I was psyched. I HAD to see the midnight show. You're not a true Pirates fan, unless you go to the midnight show. I decided I would go to the midnight show dressed up as a pirate, so I went to a costume store and bought a pirate outfit. I was amazed at how many people dressed up. I arrived three hours early and spent most of the time hitting on a group of busty maidens. One maiden gave me her number and later on we walked the deck, if you know what I mean. Ha Ha!
Midnight finally came; after waiting three hours the opening credits began to roll. There were enthusiastic cheers and applause from the audience. A few people even cracked a few jokes in the first couple of minutes. Then the first hour rolled by, so far I wasn't impressed by what I was seeing. It's not that it was bad; it just wasn't the same experience I had with the first film. However, it is a two and a half hour film, which gives it plenty of time to improve. Then another half hour rolled by; it seemed like an eternity. I kept checking my watch, it was 1:30, which meant I had another hour to go. "Maybe it will pick up in the last hour," I said to myself. It didn't. I got so bored with the film, that I went out for a cigarette. What happened? The first Pirates was bad ass, this one was just bad. I mean...it wasn't bad, it had it's good points, but compared to the wonderful original it didn't live up to my standards. After seeing Dead Man's Chest, I don't have any desire to see the third Pirates of the Caribbean.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
I need to get laid! But, when it comes to women I am completely clueless. How does one get laid? I've tried everything, but to no avail. Yesterday, I walked up to a girl and said, "Do you want to have sex?" She then laughed at me for minutes. Then her girlfriends show up, she told them what I said and they all laughed at me for five minutes. It was rather humiliating! What do I have to do to get laid?
Earlier today, I bought a girl a tray of nachos, convinced that she would reward this kind gesture with a trip to the bedroom. Sadly, she walked into the movie and sat down next to some tall, round headed muscular guy who kept calling her "dude." I got so mad that from the exit door I yelled, "BITCH!" and then ran away! Why can't I get laid?
Even when I have offered to pay for sex, I have failed. I once approached a hooker, gave her $200, she got in my car, pushed me out the door and drove off! Not only was I out $200, but I had no mode of transportation; consequently I was fired from my job. Boy, does my life suck! It does suck! And it's not the kind of sucking I want! DAMN IT!
If my life were a movie, I would probably have gotten laid at this point in my life. Even Jason Biggs got laid! If Jason Biggs can get laid, why can't I?
Earlier today, I bought a girl a tray of nachos, convinced that she would reward this kind gesture with a trip to the bedroom. Sadly, she walked into the movie and sat down next to some tall, round headed muscular guy who kept calling her "dude." I got so mad that from the exit door I yelled, "BITCH!" and then ran away! Why can't I get laid?
Even when I have offered to pay for sex, I have failed. I once approached a hooker, gave her $200, she got in my car, pushed me out the door and drove off! Not only was I out $200, but I had no mode of transportation; consequently I was fired from my job. Boy, does my life suck! It does suck! And it's not the kind of sucking I want! DAMN IT!
If my life were a movie, I would probably have gotten laid at this point in my life. Even Jason Biggs got laid! If Jason Biggs can get laid, why can't I?
Friday, June 23, 2006
Uwe Boll is a jack ass!
I read this on IMDB:
Filmmaker Challenges Critics to All-Out Brawl
German horror director Uwe Boll is so fed up with receiving bad reviews from movie critics he is challenging his detractors to a filmed fight. Boll, whose movies Alone In The Dark and House Of The Dead are based on video games, says he will fly his critics to meet him and will then fight them in a boxing ring. The filmmaker is incensed by an online petition which has 13,327 signatures of people asking him to stop making movies. Boll, who has also invited Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino to join his fight, plans to air the fights on the internet. He the plans to edit clips into his latest film Postal. Boll says, "I'm fed up with people slamming my films without seeing them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films. If critics want to bring Uwe Boll down, here is their chance to physically bring him down and have the entire world watch them do it."
I really hope some one takes this no-talent douche clown up on his offer. It would be so awesome to see Leonard Maltin and Roger Ebert do a tag team match against Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll must be stopped at all COSTS!
I read this on IMDB:
Filmmaker Challenges Critics to All-Out Brawl
German horror director Uwe Boll is so fed up with receiving bad reviews from movie critics he is challenging his detractors to a filmed fight. Boll, whose movies Alone In The Dark and House Of The Dead are based on video games, says he will fly his critics to meet him and will then fight them in a boxing ring. The filmmaker is incensed by an online petition which has 13,327 signatures of people asking him to stop making movies. Boll, who has also invited Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino to join his fight, plans to air the fights on the internet. He the plans to edit clips into his latest film Postal. Boll says, "I'm fed up with people slamming my films without seeing them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films. If critics want to bring Uwe Boll down, here is their chance to physically bring him down and have the entire world watch them do it."
I really hope some one takes this no-talent douche clown up on his offer. It would be so awesome to see Leonard Maltin and Roger Ebert do a tag team match against Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll must be stopped at all COSTS!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Weddings Crashers 2: In Time
They need to make a sequel to smash hit Wedding Crashers, in which Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn build a time machine so they can crash past weddings. There would be a hilarious sequence in which they wacky duo crashes the Franklin - Eleanor Roosevelt wedding. In one scene the Vaughn character warns Franklin that he will face one long, great depression. Hilarious! Then they would whisk themselves off to the wedding of Prince Charles to Princess Diana. Then they travel back to the stone age where they find themselves present at a Neanderthal wedding. Vaughn realizing how ugly Neanderthal's are, quickly jumps into the time machine leaving Wilson behind. Yes, these are wonderful scenes you would see if they ever make Wedding Crashers 2: In Time.
If they can't get Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, they could always casts actors like Jason Biggs, Josh Meyers, and Sean William Scott to play the leads.
They need to make a sequel to smash hit Wedding Crashers, in which Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn build a time machine so they can crash past weddings. There would be a hilarious sequence in which they wacky duo crashes the Franklin - Eleanor Roosevelt wedding. In one scene the Vaughn character warns Franklin that he will face one long, great depression. Hilarious! Then they would whisk themselves off to the wedding of Prince Charles to Princess Diana. Then they travel back to the stone age where they find themselves present at a Neanderthal wedding. Vaughn realizing how ugly Neanderthal's are, quickly jumps into the time machine leaving Wilson behind. Yes, these are wonderful scenes you would see if they ever make Wedding Crashers 2: In Time.
If they can't get Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, they could always casts actors like Jason Biggs, Josh Meyers, and Sean William Scott to play the leads.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
You need to dump her!
I need to talk to you about your girlfriend. She's annoying; she's like Jar Jar Binks, every time she opens her mouth she kills the moment. You need to dump her! Not only for your own good, but for the good of the group as well. Your girlfriend does not belong in our group and if you remain with her, then I'm afraid we can not keep you as a friend. I'm sorry, but it's kind of hard to separate you from your annoying girlfriend's stupid antics. Therefore, you must decide as to whether you want to stay with her or us! It's your choice! However, let it be said that if you choose to stay with her, you choose a life of misery. EW! The only thing she has going for her is a nice rack, other than that she's utterly useless. If you choose to stay with your friends, you choose a life of fun and excitement. You choose a life of drunken parties, video games, fastfood, and other hilarious shenanigans. Don't let this she demon wear you down. EW!
I need to talk to you about your girlfriend. She's annoying; she's like Jar Jar Binks, every time she opens her mouth she kills the moment. You need to dump her! Not only for your own good, but for the good of the group as well. Your girlfriend does not belong in our group and if you remain with her, then I'm afraid we can not keep you as a friend. I'm sorry, but it's kind of hard to separate you from your annoying girlfriend's stupid antics. Therefore, you must decide as to whether you want to stay with her or us! It's your choice! However, let it be said that if you choose to stay with her, you choose a life of misery. EW! The only thing she has going for her is a nice rack, other than that she's utterly useless. If you choose to stay with your friends, you choose a life of fun and excitement. You choose a life of drunken parties, video games, fastfood, and other hilarious shenanigans. Don't let this she demon wear you down. EW!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Let's go see a movie! (Or Yet another reason to post a picture of Keira Knightley to rival Dave Faber's blog.)
Man, it's such a wonderful day to see a movie! I love movies, especially when viewed on the Ultrascreen. The Ultrascreen is ten times better than a regular sized screen, because the picture is bigger, therefore it is better. It sucked they didn't show The DaVinci Code on the Ultrascreen; hopefully they will show Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest on it. I'm so psyched to see that movie. Not only does it have Johnny Depp (who is the greatest actor EVER), but it has bad ass special effects, not to mention Keira Knightley. I don't know about you, but if I'm not watching a movie on the Ultrascreen, I'm not watching a movie at all. Regular sized screens just can't capture the sheer scope of a film like the Ultrascreen. Nor can a regular sized screen capture the sheer hotness of Keira Knightley. When you see that glowing face on the Ultrascreen, it is truly a moving experience. I tried watching Star Wars Episode III on a regular sized screen and I just couldn't get into the story. People tried to convince me that it was because of the bad writing. However, if the writing was so bad, how come I was cheering when I saw it in the Ultrascreen? Huh?
I wish there were more Ultrascreens in the states, then I would have no reason to stay home and watch television.
Just imagine viewing this on the Ultrascreen. Ha Ha Ha! Boy, would it be packed! Ha Ha! I'm so funny! Ha Ha! I crack myself up! I sure hope Keira is reading this blog, that way she will see how funny I am and then she will marry me. Ha Ha! I'm cool!
Man, it's such a wonderful day to see a movie! I love movies, especially when viewed on the Ultrascreen. The Ultrascreen is ten times better than a regular sized screen, because the picture is bigger, therefore it is better. It sucked they didn't show The DaVinci Code on the Ultrascreen; hopefully they will show Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest on it. I'm so psyched to see that movie. Not only does it have Johnny Depp (who is the greatest actor EVER), but it has bad ass special effects, not to mention Keira Knightley. I don't know about you, but if I'm not watching a movie on the Ultrascreen, I'm not watching a movie at all. Regular sized screens just can't capture the sheer scope of a film like the Ultrascreen. Nor can a regular sized screen capture the sheer hotness of Keira Knightley. When you see that glowing face on the Ultrascreen, it is truly a moving experience. I tried watching Star Wars Episode III on a regular sized screen and I just couldn't get into the story. People tried to convince me that it was because of the bad writing. However, if the writing was so bad, how come I was cheering when I saw it in the Ultrascreen? Huh?
I wish there were more Ultrascreens in the states, then I would have no reason to stay home and watch television.
Just imagine viewing this on the Ultrascreen. Ha Ha Ha! Boy, would it be packed! Ha Ha! I'm so funny! Ha Ha! I crack myself up! I sure hope Keira is reading this blog, that way she will see how funny I am and then she will marry me. Ha Ha! I'm cool!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
War is bad. How can I help bring about an end to war? I know, I'll attend a rock concert! That's right, by attending a rock concert I will show the evil fascist conservatives that I want a world of peace, not war. After all, it worked in the 60s. After Woodstock, the government had no choice but to pull our troops out of Vietnam. It's amazing how wise our hippie ancestors were. My history college professor told me all sorts of great stories about the 60s, and how the peace movement brought about an end to war. Did you know it was the peace movement that removed Nixon from office?Watergate had absolutely nothing to do with it, it was the pressure brought by the peace movement that forced him to resign.
I hope I have enough money to buy a T-shirt at the concert. Every time I go to a concert, I always make sure to buy a T-shirt as a souvenir. I better save up some money, so I can afford to buy some snacks as well. My girlfriends loves nachos and so do I for that matter. This is going to be an awesome concert!
I hope I have enough money to buy a T-shirt at the concert. Every time I go to a concert, I always make sure to buy a T-shirt as a souvenir. I better save up some money, so I can afford to buy some snacks as well. My girlfriends loves nachos and so do I for that matter. This is going to be an awesome concert!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Get a life!
On Saturday, I was given the unpleasant task of closing the theatre, which means I had to hang around until all the geeks who saw X-Men 3 left. I'm not saying every one who saw X-Men 3 is a geek, but a good majority of them are. While most moviegoers vacate the theatre after a movie has ended, geeks usually hang out in the lobby and have a serious discussion about the film for a good twenty minutes, before being forced out. These people seriously need to get a friggin' life. I ask you: What is more lame than seeing a movie on a Saturday night and then talking about it in a theatre lobby for twenty minutes? There are so many other things you could be doing with your life, why waste time talking about whether or not Wolverine will has his own movie, or how disappointed you were that Gambit was not in the movie?
When I was 13 years-old I used to ask similar questions, but most of these geeks are in their late 20s-early 30s. Most of them drink vast quantities of Mountain Dew, while laughing every time the filmmaker throws in a random reference to the comic books, or worse yet they applaud every time one of the main mutants shows off their powers. Therefore in X-Men 3, when Wolverine kills some one with his claws, they high five one another and cheer.
The sad irony is that most of these rabid X-Men fans will forget about X-Men 3 as soon as the next big blockbuster movie comes out. I can't wait until Superman Returns comes out, to see how many geeks will applaud it and how many geeks will dismiss it. Where's Bizarro? Boo hiss!
On Saturday, I was given the unpleasant task of closing the theatre, which means I had to hang around until all the geeks who saw X-Men 3 left. I'm not saying every one who saw X-Men 3 is a geek, but a good majority of them are. While most moviegoers vacate the theatre after a movie has ended, geeks usually hang out in the lobby and have a serious discussion about the film for a good twenty minutes, before being forced out. These people seriously need to get a friggin' life. I ask you: What is more lame than seeing a movie on a Saturday night and then talking about it in a theatre lobby for twenty minutes? There are so many other things you could be doing with your life, why waste time talking about whether or not Wolverine will has his own movie, or how disappointed you were that Gambit was not in the movie?
When I was 13 years-old I used to ask similar questions, but most of these geeks are in their late 20s-early 30s. Most of them drink vast quantities of Mountain Dew, while laughing every time the filmmaker throws in a random reference to the comic books, or worse yet they applaud every time one of the main mutants shows off their powers. Therefore in X-Men 3, when Wolverine kills some one with his claws, they high five one another and cheer.
The sad irony is that most of these rabid X-Men fans will forget about X-Men 3 as soon as the next big blockbuster movie comes out. I can't wait until Superman Returns comes out, to see how many geeks will applaud it and how many geeks will dismiss it. Where's Bizarro? Boo hiss!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
MEL GIBSON LIED TO ME!
After seeing The DaVinci Code, I came to the horriblie realization that Mel Gibson lied to me. In The Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson stated that Jesus Christ was the son of God, that he died on the cross for our sins and was resurrected. I remember after seeing The Passion, I decided I would devote more time to church and following the word of God. After seeing The DaVinci Code, I have come to the harsh reality that I have been living a lie. AND IT'S ALL MEL GIBSON'S FAULT!
I want my money back Mel Gibson! Hopefully, I can sell my DVD copy of The Passion of the Christ on e-bay, I'm sure there are a lot of ignorant Christians out there who will buy it any price. I like to thank Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, and Dan Brown for opening my eyes! Hopefully The DaVinci Code will inspire more disbelief amongst practicing Christians and turn them into hard core atheists.
I can't believe Christians allow themselves to be so easily brainwashed. I'm so glad I have the ability to think for myself! Unlike most Christians, I am not easily fooled by wild, unproven theories!
After seeing The DaVinci Code, I came to the horriblie realization that Mel Gibson lied to me. In The Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson stated that Jesus Christ was the son of God, that he died on the cross for our sins and was resurrected. I remember after seeing The Passion, I decided I would devote more time to church and following the word of God. After seeing The DaVinci Code, I have come to the harsh reality that I have been living a lie. AND IT'S ALL MEL GIBSON'S FAULT!
I want my money back Mel Gibson! Hopefully, I can sell my DVD copy of The Passion of the Christ on e-bay, I'm sure there are a lot of ignorant Christians out there who will buy it any price. I like to thank Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, and Dan Brown for opening my eyes! Hopefully The DaVinci Code will inspire more disbelief amongst practicing Christians and turn them into hard core atheists.
I can't believe Christians allow themselves to be so easily brainwashed. I'm so glad I have the ability to think for myself! Unlike most Christians, I am not easily fooled by wild, unproven theories!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I like TV dinners! 
I like TV dinners, I don't know why the get such a bad rep. Last night, I had a delicious Banqet "Original Chicken Meal" and it was damn tasty. I told my friends they should try it and they said, "TV dinners suck! They are more bland than a Ron Howard film." I told them that was a low blow, nothing and I mean NOTHING should ever be compared to Ron Howard. One night I told my girlfriend Sue Ann that I would make her dinner, so I popped a "Salisbury Steak" TV dinner in the microwave and brought it out to her on a plate. She stared at the TV dinner for about a minute and then looked at me like she was going to kill me. As she got up to walk out the door, she called me a "cheap son of a bitch." I have not heard from her since; I guess she doesn't like TV dinners!
I recently bought five Banquet TV dinners for five dollars at Wal-Mart. I was so happy that I called my parents to let them know about this great deal. They said, "That's nice son!" and hung up the phone. I'm hungry, I think I will have a "Chicken Nuggets" TV dinner. I love chicken nuggets, especially with Barbecue sauce.
I like TV dinners, I don't know why the get such a bad rep. Last night, I had a delicious Banqet "Original Chicken Meal" and it was damn tasty. I told my friends they should try it and they said, "TV dinners suck! They are more bland than a Ron Howard film." I told them that was a low blow, nothing and I mean NOTHING should ever be compared to Ron Howard. One night I told my girlfriend Sue Ann that I would make her dinner, so I popped a "Salisbury Steak" TV dinner in the microwave and brought it out to her on a plate. She stared at the TV dinner for about a minute and then looked at me like she was going to kill me. As she got up to walk out the door, she called me a "cheap son of a bitch." I have not heard from her since; I guess she doesn't like TV dinners!
I recently bought five Banquet TV dinners for five dollars at Wal-Mart. I was so happy that I called my parents to let them know about this great deal. They said, "That's nice son!" and hung up the phone. I'm hungry, I think I will have a "Chicken Nuggets" TV dinner. I love chicken nuggets, especially with Barbecue sauce.
Friday, April 21, 2006
I only see movies at the Oriental!
I hate Hollywood movies, they are mindless entertainment that give the audience everything it wants. I, unlike many film goers, love movies that make me THINK. I love a good challenge, which is why I only see movies at the Oriental. When I wait inline at the Oriental, I think to myself, "Gee, I am so much better than every one else." While most film goers waste their time watching dribble like Scary Movie 4, I am watching brilliant, thought provoking cinema like Elephant. Why can't people be more like me and think outside the box? Why must they give into trends? I don't give into trends, I am above that. I haven't been brainwashed by pop-culture like the rest of America. Last night, my friends and I saw Thank You For Smoking, afterwards we made our traditional trip to Node cafe, where we talked about the movie and drank coffee. We had a rather engaging conversation and the coffee was delicious. I can't wait to see what challenge the Oriental has in store for me next week. I hope it's another Gus Van Sant movie. That guy is awesome. He is highly revered by critics. In fact, next week in my film history class we are watching Psycho. I can't wait.
I hate Hollywood movies, they are mindless entertainment that give the audience everything it wants. I, unlike many film goers, love movies that make me THINK. I love a good challenge, which is why I only see movies at the Oriental. When I wait inline at the Oriental, I think to myself, "Gee, I am so much better than every one else." While most film goers waste their time watching dribble like Scary Movie 4, I am watching brilliant, thought provoking cinema like Elephant. Why can't people be more like me and think outside the box? Why must they give into trends? I don't give into trends, I am above that. I haven't been brainwashed by pop-culture like the rest of America. Last night, my friends and I saw Thank You For Smoking, afterwards we made our traditional trip to Node cafe, where we talked about the movie and drank coffee. We had a rather engaging conversation and the coffee was delicious. I can't wait to see what challenge the Oriental has in store for me next week. I hope it's another Gus Van Sant movie. That guy is awesome. He is highly revered by critics. In fact, next week in my film history class we are watching Psycho. I can't wait.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Where's the pop-culture references?
I was trying to watch this boring ass old comedy called Some Like It Hot and I kept waiting for hilarious pop-culture references to pop up. Alas, they did not! When I watch a comedy, I want as many pop-culture references as possible! That is why I love Family Guy and the Scary Movies, because they totally rip on pop-culture! There's nothing funnier than referencing other people's ideas and making a joke out of them! I remember when I saw the first Scary Movie, I laughed for like ten minutes after Marlon Wayans said, "I see dead people!" Because it was referencing The Sixth Sense and I got the joke, because I saw The Sixth Sense. Pop-cultures references are the backbone for all great comedies. Remember that scene in Shrek, in which Princess Fiano takes on Robin Hood and his Merry Men Matrix-style? That was hysterical. It was so clever! Who wants originality in comedies, when filmmakers can just mock scenes from other movies? There's so much comedy gold waiting to be mined, why even take the time to think up your own ideas? I sure hope there's a Scary Movie 5, so they can make fun of When a Stranger Calls, V For Vendetta, Harry Potter, and other upcoming films! It would be so awesome to see a Superman Returns parody thrown in the mix!
I was trying to watch this boring ass old comedy called Some Like It Hot and I kept waiting for hilarious pop-culture references to pop up. Alas, they did not! When I watch a comedy, I want as many pop-culture references as possible! That is why I love Family Guy and the Scary Movies, because they totally rip on pop-culture! There's nothing funnier than referencing other people's ideas and making a joke out of them! I remember when I saw the first Scary Movie, I laughed for like ten minutes after Marlon Wayans said, "I see dead people!" Because it was referencing The Sixth Sense and I got the joke, because I saw The Sixth Sense. Pop-cultures references are the backbone for all great comedies. Remember that scene in Shrek, in which Princess Fiano takes on Robin Hood and his Merry Men Matrix-style? That was hysterical. It was so clever! Who wants originality in comedies, when filmmakers can just mock scenes from other movies? There's so much comedy gold waiting to be mined, why even take the time to think up your own ideas? I sure hope there's a Scary Movie 5, so they can make fun of When a Stranger Calls, V For Vendetta, Harry Potter, and other upcoming films! It would be so awesome to see a Superman Returns parody thrown in the mix!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Hating George W. Bush = SEX
Yesterday, I was at an anti-Bush rally chanting such phrases like, "BUSH IS A NAZI" and "War is not my voice," when an extremely fine liberal chick asked me if I would like a cup of coffee. So we went to Starbucks and she went on a rant about how much she hated Bush. I nodded my head pretending to have interest, while staring at her breast, wondering what she looked like naked. Any ways, afterwards we went to her place and had crazy sex. It was awesome. Would she have slept with me had she known I was really a Bush loving conservative? NO! She thought because I hated Bush, I was different from most men, therefore trustworthy enough to have sex with. Pretending to hate Bush has gotten me laid countless of times in the past five years! It's amazing how these liberated chicks turn into putty as soon as you mention how wrong the war in Iraq is. Women love men with causes, even when they don't believe in them.
Yesterday, I was at an anti-Bush rally chanting such phrases like, "BUSH IS A NAZI" and "War is not my voice," when an extremely fine liberal chick asked me if I would like a cup of coffee. So we went to Starbucks and she went on a rant about how much she hated Bush. I nodded my head pretending to have interest, while staring at her breast, wondering what she looked like naked. Any ways, afterwards we went to her place and had crazy sex. It was awesome. Would she have slept with me had she known I was really a Bush loving conservative? NO! She thought because I hated Bush, I was different from most men, therefore trustworthy enough to have sex with. Pretending to hate Bush has gotten me laid countless of times in the past five years! It's amazing how these liberated chicks turn into putty as soon as you mention how wrong the war in Iraq is. Women love men with causes, even when they don't believe in them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)