Is this in widescreen format?

Is this DVD in widescreen format? If it is not, then I do not wish to purchase it. I only want films that are in widescreen, full frame will not do. How can one possibly watch a film in pan and scan, it's do distracting? I recently bought a copy of The Adventures of Robin Hood and to my utter disgust it was in full frame. I decided I would return this ghastly DVD to the villains at Best Buy who sold it to me. I went up to the customer service counter and told them my dilemna. Their lame excuse was that The Adventures of Robin Hood was not made in widescreen. That its aspect ratio was the same as a television screen, therefore I was not missing any of the picture. LIARS! We all know that widescreen has always been with the cinema. Even if The Adventures of Robin Hood wasn't made in widescreen, surely they could reformat the picture to give it a widescreen effect. I refuse to watch any film that does not have black bars at the top and bottom. It is my wish......nay my mission in life to see that all DVDs are presented in a widescreen format, I will not rest until this has goal has been achieved.

I saw a sneak of *wheez wheez* Serenity last night. It was so awesome. What made the night even better is that I saw a girl in the flesh! I have read a lot about girls, but I never actually thought I would encounter one. She was standing *wheez* behind the register at the box office, she printed up my ticket and told me to go to my left *wheez*. It was cool. I decided I had to talk to this goddess, so I decided I would tell her all about *wheez* Firefly, the show Serenity is based off. To my surprise and horror she never heard of Firefly. Where had she been in the last five years *wheez*? I couldn't believe that such a pretty *wheez* creature had never heard of Firefly? I told her if she wanted, she could borrow my DVD box set of the show. She nodded her head no and told me she wasn't *wheez* interested. I realized then we were of two different worlds and could never be lovers. But on the plus side, I did get a nifty Serenity T-shirt and a large Moutain Dew. Wheez!

My fantasy girl!

Something that is non-political!

I would like to reprint a poem I had to write for one of my creative writing classes in college, it is entitled SWEEP THE FLOOR.

Sweep the Floor

Excuse me sir
Could you sweep the floor?
It's filthier than a unattended port a john
Sweep the floor

Rock hard popcorn every where
I see DUST
DUST is my arch-nemesis
Invades like an army
and then colonizes the floor
SWEEP THE FLOOR NOW

I can't take it any more
OH MY GOD, a Pepsi spill
MOP IT! MOP IT!
Can you hear me?
The floor is being
possessed by filth
SWEEP THE FLOOR

If you could......
that would be great
Thank you sir.

Wasn't that brillaint? Huh? Guys? Any body? Hellooooooo?

In the past, I have often attacked liberals for being complete idiots, which has given at least two people the false impression that I am a Republican. However, let it be known that I despise Republicans about as much as I despise liberals. If Bush is the best the Republicans have to offer, then the party is in serious shit. If John Kerry wasn't such a nostalgic, Hollywood ass kissing tool, he probably would have won the election. Unfortunately, he couldn't make up his mind about anything except that he was a war hero and it cost him votes. Extreme conservatives are as equally annoying as extreme liberals; especially conservatives like Micheal Medved, who constantly make it a point to tell Americans what is and what is not offensive. If you don't know who Michael Medved is, he used to have a PBS show called Sneak Previews with Jeffrey Lyons, in which they reviewed current movies. Medved practically hated every film that wasn't family friendly. He generally championed crap like Rookie of the Year because it had good values, while he denounced films like Pulp Fiction, because they were morally corrupt and bad influences on our society. Obviously, Medved was oblivious to the main theme in Pulp Fiction: Redemption. The characters in each story have a chance to redeem themselves; the ones that take the chance wind up living with a new out look on life at the films end.
Michael Medved was also one of the many interviewees in the dreadful Celsius 41.11, in which all he does is ridicule John Kerry, while making himself seem so much better for being a conservative.
Then you get the extreme conservative morons who make it their mission to ban books, little realizing that by making a big fuss over these books, they are helping its sales. Banning books will not solve anything, except aiding a struggling author in his quest to become a top selling author. Liberals and conservatives should solve all their differences by playing a nice game of tackle football, not only would they get all the hostility out of the way, they might become good friends by the game's end. That is my thought. This is probably the most political I will ever get on this blog, which I'm sure all five of you are grateful for.
Thank you!

My Manifesto For the Bitter:

1. Never get involved in a conversation that doesn't concern you. If two girls are talking about how their girlfriend Abigail had an abortion, keep away at all costs.
2. Why pay money for a movie that has all ready been made?
3. For men: Never trust a woman who agrees with you on every issue.
4. There's no such thing as a lesser evil.
5. Books are not better than movies, they just require more time to finish.
6. Self proclaimed artists are usually self absorbed, no talent hacks.
7. For women: Never date a guy who is the life of the party; the spotlight is his and his alone.
8. Extremes are never a good thing, they can only alienate.
9. There is no such thing as a really "sweet" guy, we are all horny son of a bitches; some less than others.

The speed limit is 45, I think I will go 35 just to be safe. After all, slow but steady wins the race. Why be in a hurry, when I can enjoy the beautiful scenery? Oh look honey, did you see the billboard? It was an advertisement for McDonald's! Isn't that neat? Man, I'm enjoying the scenery so much, I think I will decrease my speed to 25 miles an hour. This is so much fun! Hey, why is the guy behind me shaking his fist? What's his problem? Now, he's extending his right hand out of the window. He just gave me the finger! How rude! Now he's passing me!
Hey sir, reckless driving is a risk to every one. I wonder why he was in such a hurry? Why be in a hurry, when you can enjoy such beautiful scenery? What the hell? There's another guy behind me wanting to pass. Geez, what is wrong with all these people? Look, they have a ShopKo! Sweet, I need to buy a few rolls of film.

The End
Color By Technicolor

C'mon Rick, where's the movie? Rick? Are you threading that projector properly? C'mon Rick, we are getting anxious. Damn it Rick, what is taking you so long? Rick? I really want to see this movie, because from all accounts it is pretty awesome. Oh no, Rick did you just drop the print on the floor? Shit! Now, we can't watch the movie. Thanks a lot Rick, you ruined our evening.

I got myself a new watch for ten dollars at K-Mart. It's pretty damn awesome. It maybe the nicest watch I have ever had in my possession. I once had a Bugs Bunny watch, but I lost it when it fell in the toilet. I also had a gold watch, but my girlfriend of five years stole it when we broke up. What a bitch! I hate women, all they ever do is take things. They take, take, take, but they never give. I remember one time I met this woman at a ShopKo and she was buying a box of tampons. She was a dollar short, so I loaned her a dollar as a nice gesture. How did she repay me? By driving off in her car with her muscle bound boyfriend, who flipped me the bird. Ever since then I have resented women.
Back to my watch, it's pretty cool. I only hope it will be a permanent part of my life, unlike the relationships I've had with women. At first they think the world of you, then after awhile they get bored so they leave you for the first flashy (but shallow) male that catches their eye. God, I hate women. Thank you K-Mart for supplying me with this beautiful watch.

NOTE: This is based off a true story. As we all know if a story is based off a true story, it is automatically good.

Why is every other horror film a remake?


It seems that in the last three or four years, the majority of horror films have been remakes. This trend of remaking horror films doesn't seelike it will be ending any time soon, rather it seems like it will only escalate. From 2002 - 2005, there have been needless remakes of such films as: The Ring, The Ring 2, The Grudge, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn of the Dead, The Amityville Horror, House of Wax, and The Fog to name a few. Most of these films fail when compared to the original, with the exception of The Amityville Horror. In the case of The Amityville Horror, the remake could only improve upon the exceedingly boring, occasionally hilarious original.
Mainly because the remake was more or less a rehash of The Shining, which in any form is vastly superior to The Amityville Horror.





Other remakes have not been so successful, mainly because they more or less try to hard to appeal to a more contemporary audience. The dreadful update of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, made two major mistakes. The first being that it tried explained the origin of Leatherface. In the remake, it is revealed that Leatherface has a skin disease and was constantly ridiculed as the child. The film tries to make the character some what sympathetic, taking away the mystery that made him so chilling in the original film. Secondly, it decides to throw in a good, old fashioned child in danger sub-plot. In the film, Leatherface's family has in their midst an innocent toddler, who's family was slaughtered by Leatherface. Therefore, the heroine (Jessica Biel) decides to risk her life to save the toddler from the vile clutches of the Leatherface clan. The original film unnerved you from start to finish, the remake tries to hard (and fails) to make you sympathize with the unlikeable characters.


House of Wax remake owes more to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, than it does to 1933's Mystery of the Wax Museum, and the 1953 film starring Vincent Price. The characters get lost in the back woods and run into a town made of wax that is run by a group of half crazed, red necks looking to avenge their mom's death. It is truly a dreadful film, only made watchable thanks to the delightful scene in which Paris Hilton gets impaled by a sharp object, thus providing a cathartic moment for 95% of all Americans. The other redeeming quality is that is stars Elisha Cuthbert, who is gorgeous, though she is covered in blood for most of the films running time.





As I mentioned before this trend of remaking horror films doesn't seem like it's going to end any time soon; it has been announced that in 2006 a remake of The Evil Dead is going to hit cinemas across the country. If IMDB is to believed it is going to star the one and only Ashton Kutcher, thus turning yet another uncompromising classic into poster boy dribble for the teeny bopper audiences.

VIOLENT PICTURES!
Last year, a group of us drove to New Jersey to attend our friend, Jonny P's wedding. However, after being couped up together for a few days, we lost all reason and turned into a pack of vicious animals, constantly tearing at one another's throats. Here are a few pictures, which record in shocking detail just how brutal we behaved towards one another. Can you possibly stand the horror?

A Tribute to Blackbeard's Ghost

Blackbeard's Ghost is with out a doubt of the funniest movies of all time! There have been many films about pirate ghosts, but very few have come close to matching Blackbeard's Ghost in sheer hilarity. The film is about a new track coach(Dean Jones) who accidentally summons the ghost of Blackbeard the pirate (Peter Ustinov). The only way for Jones to get rid of Blackbeard is by helping him to perform a good deed. It doesn't help that Jones is the only person who can see Blackbeard's Ghost and that the faculty thinks he has gone out of his mind. We are treated to endless shots of Jones yelling into thin air, while people stare at him, baffled by his behaviour. The best scene involves a track meet in which Blackbeard helps the undergod team, Godolphin win by throwing track members in the air, tripping the other track teams and replacing their batons with hotdogs, flags, and empty soda bottles. The film is 108 minutes, but seems a lot shorter, thanks to its fast pace, likable cast, and cheesy special effects.

5 Worst Films of All Time?

The problem with composing a list of the five worst films of all time is that you will always find a person who disagrees with you. Every year a film is released that could be labeled, "The worst movie of all time." Therefore, while composing this list, I decided to focus on a certain types of films, that is films that set out to make an important statement, but are undermined either by their heavy handedness, self importance, or failure to relay the message they are trying to get across. For instance, Van Helsing is a genuinely awful film, yet it never pretends to be anything more than a film about the vampire hunter and his big breasted female companion trying to stop Dracula from taking over the world. Where as a movie like Patch Adams poses as a scathing critique of the medical establishment, when in reality it is just another film tailored to the wacked out comic stylings of Robin Williams. It's message is undermined by scenes of Robin Williams acting like a complete moron. With out further ado, here are the five films I selected.
Note: The Last Samurai is not on this list.

5. The Village - M. Night Shyamalan is one of the most over-rated directors working film today. His films are admired not so much for the story, but rather for their style. Fans of M. Night Shyamalan are under the false impression that anything he touches is automatically good, which explains why The Village has so many defenders. Yet, if this were not an M. Night Shyamalan film, people would see it for the mediocre film that it is. The Village often feels like an unofficial remake of the forgotten, little seen Roger Corman film Teenage Caveman. Both films sport similar premises, characters and endings. The Village has been interpreted as an allegory for post 9/11 America. In it, the elders (government) of the village have deceived their children into believing that they are in constant threat of attack from an outside force, if they wander out of the village. The elders use scare tactic to maintain the status quo, especially when some one questions their reasoning. The outside world is also part of this deception, as the elders have some how made arrangements with the park service not to allow airplanes to fly over the forest the village is located. This illusion they have created is threatened when one of the sons is stabbed by a knife, and his life is dependent upon the aid of outside medicines.
The problem with this allegory is that is entirely dependent on the twist ending. The entire film is built around the premise that the village takes place in the past and that the outside forces in the woods do exist, and are out to harm the villagers when the pact is broken. The elders seem right in their reasoning in not wanting people to leave the village. When their deception is revealed it's about as involving as watching a man water the lawn. It doesn't seem profound, because Shyamalan's twist ending is pretty damn obvious from the get go. The scenes with the creatures come off as being what they are revealed to be, men in bad costumes.
The characters in the film are not involving either. Lucius (Joaquin Phoenix) is more of a plot device then a character, he wanders into the forest, causes a few bad events to occur, falls in love and is conveniently stabbed, causing the deception of the elders to be exposed (to the audience any ways). Ivy Walker (Bryce Dallas Howard) the quintessential virginal heroine is almost too innocent, not only is her love for Lucius true, but she is blind and therefore oblivious to all the deception that is happening right in front of her nose. Is she supposed to represent the American people, who are blind our government's deception even though it happens ever day?
Or is it her innocence that allows her to survive in both the village and the real world unscathed? The film itself has too many slow sequences that involve characters talking; the first half has absolutely no tension what so ever. The creatures (before they are revealed to be fake) come across as more silly than menacing. The only good thing I can say about the film is that it is beautifully shot by Roger Deakins.



4. Fahrenheit 9/11 - I always find it ironic that Michael Moore is everything he claims to hate: a rich, white male who makes money off of the human suffering. In Bowling For Columbine he cashed in on the losses suffered by the families of the victims in the Columbine tragedy, and in Fahrenheit 9/11 he cashes in on the victims of 9/11 and the Iraq war, while putting on a compassionate front. Fahrenheit 9/11 is riddled with inconsistencies at one point Moore criticizes the Bush administration for allowing members of the bin Laden family to be flown out of the country days after 9/11, only to imply later in the film (He doesn't directly say it) that Osama bin Laden was not responsible for 9/11, that it was in essence a conspiracy between the Bush Administration and Saudi Arabia. He constantly tries to convince the audience of a Bush/Saudi Arabia conspiracy by showing us how they are connected. The Bush Administration is only a friendly basis with Saudi Arabia, therefore there must be an elaborate conspiracy brewing. Unfortunately, Moore fails to tell the audience that the last few presidents, including the Clinton Administration have had friendly relationships with Saudi Arabia, therefore if Bush is part of a conspiracy, then Clinton must be in on it as well. Fahrenheit 9/11 is propaganda at its worst. Rather than do a serious critique of the Bush Administration, Moore resorts to scape goating, character assassination, wild speculations, and over blown (and easy to disprove) conspiracy theories to vilify George W. Bush. He never seems interested in criticizing Bush's actions, rather Bush himself. At one point he criticizes Bush for going to war in Afghanistan, yet when Bush tries using diplomacy with the Taliban by meeting with one of its member, he criticizes Bush in welcoming the enemy and engaging in conspiracy. No matter what George W. Bush does, in the eyes of Michael Moore he is always wrong. It's hard to take Michael Moore seriously, because he seems to have no idea what he wants to say, just who he wants to attack.
There are many things wrong with Fahrenheit 9/11, but it would take me a long time to write all of them down. Fahrenheit 9/11 is either worst documentary ever made or one of the greatest propaganda pieces ever produced. You decide!

3. The Passion of the Christ - For awhile it seemed that this movie was above criticism. When it was released if any one had any sort of criticism for this movie they were accused of hating Christianity. What was even more annoying is how so many televangelists went on television saying how this film was the most accurate depiction of Jesus' crucifixion and death, and that it was more a documentary than an actual film. These are very bold claims, none of which are accurate. The Passion of the Christ can hardly be considered a documentary, or accurate considering how vague the bible is in its description of Jesus' crucifixion. The film is not the bible's representation of the final hours Jesus' life, it is Mel Gibsons interpretation of the bible and what he thinks the last hours were like. The flogging of Jesus by the Romans is never very descriptive, yet Mel Gibson some how lingers on it for more than fifteen minutes of screen time, showing every wound in close up, every drop of blood, every piece of flesh torn out. It is not so much a movie of personal faith as it is a long fetish film made by a man who has an odd fascination with violence.
The main problem with The Passion is its depiction of Jesus, he is never given much of personality, except of a wrongfully oppressed man getting beaten by a corrupt system. The film is completely devoid of any context, therefore for any one who has not read the bible, it is quite a mystery as to why Jesus is being crucified. The film never takes the time (with the exception of a brief flashback to the Sermon on the Mount) to show why the religious leaders and Rome considered Jesus a threat. All the audience is shown is that he is a loving, innocent man who is wrongfully put on trial.
Mel Gibson focuses so much time on the crucifixion, that the resurrection of Jesus is an almost after thought. In the bible it is an awe inspiring event filled with joy and hope, in The Passion it plays more like a build up to violence; Jesus arises out of his tomb, opens his eyes, slowly gets up and looks like he is ready to kick some ass. The fact is that the crucifixion has absolutely no meaning without the resurrection. If Jesus simply died on the cross, then would have just been another would be revolutionary who was chewed by the Roman machine. His resurrection gives the crucifixion a deeper meaning, this is something that completely gets lost in The Passion.
The other problem is how Gibson constantly literalizes evil by having CGI demons pop out of nowhere, shots of an androgynous Satan tempting Christ, and a laughable sequence with Satan and a midget.
It's amazing how in the hands of Mel Gibson that the story of a man who taught peace, love and acceptance becomes one of the goriest films ever made.


2. Persona - I am at a lost as to why so many film professors consider this film to be a great work of art! It is about as boring and pretentious as films come. Persona is supposedly about a nurse who is hired to take care of an actress, who has lost the capacity to speak. As the film progresses their personalities slowly merge, only to be torn apart by deception, or something along those lines. It's hard to get into the story because Ingmar Bergman constantly makes it a point to remind his audience that they are watching a film. Thus there are random shots of projectors, boom mikes, and even a reflection of Bergman directing shot thrown in for good measure. I have no idea what the film is trying to say and neither do most of the film's supporters for that matter. All I know is that if you ever have trouble sleeping, just pop this film into the VCR and you will be out in no time.

1. Patch Adams - The worst movie ever made, no ifs ands or buts about it. Nathan Rabin of The Onion perfectly summed up this film when he wrote, "But the film's fuzzy political content gets submerged under layers of sappy sentimentality, crowd-pleasing speeches, and some of the most shameless audience-manipulation techniques this side of Triumph of the Will." At first Patch Adams seems sincere in it's questioning of the medical establishments attitude towards it patients, but this theme becomes merely a device which allows for Robin Williams to perform some of his most annoying comedy antics to date. Slowly, the theme of the uncaring medical establishments fades into the story of a saintly, almost Christ-like rebel who's unconventional methods bring joy into the lives of some many people. I'm sure some where in the Universal vaults there is a deleted scene that shows Patch heal a young girl of her blindness, while a crippled boy throws down his crutches and walks over to hug him. It's these kind of moments of unearned sentiment that make you sick to your stomach. The main annoying thing about Patch Adams (other than Robin Williams chumming it up for the cameras) is how the director Tom Shadyac uses reaction shots of people laughing to show how funny Patch is. Every time Patch does something remotely funny, there is a close up of sickly patients laughing like it is the funniest thing on the planet, thus renewing a sense of purpose in their life. In one painful scene, Patch puts on a red clown nose, which causes a sick, young girl to laugh hysterically. Patch Adams is 115 minutes long, about 30 minutes of its running time consists of people laughing at Patch's supposedly hilarious antics. It's almost like the filmmakers needed to put in a laugh track, just to remind audiences that they are supposed to laugh at certain moments.
Here is a question for people who like this movie: If a man wearing red clown nose came into your room and said he was your doctor, would you trust him? I think not.
Well, this post took far longer than I expected and I don't think I have said nearly enough to back up my claims. But as far as I'm concerned these are five of the worst films ever made, I'm sure many people will disagree, but these are my selections.

There needs to be a Jason movie, in which Jason decides to turn over a new leaf and a get real job working at a Dairy Queen. The entire film would be Jason resisting the urge to kill customers when they complain about random things or take ten minutes to order food off the menu. There would also be a scene in which Jason sees two co-workers having sex in the back room and Jason spends the entire time fighting the temptation to kill them. He would first fight the urge by making himself a Blizzard, then trying to read a magazine, only to find himself reaching for a nearby knife and heading towards the back room. Just when he's about to give in to his homicidal urges, the two walk out of the backroom and the guy high fives Jason. This would make for one good movie. Don't you think? Any one? Any one? Hello.....any one out there?

Hi, my name is Drew, but you can call me yours. I know what you are thinking, how could some one as attractive as myself possibly be single? Well, frankly I have yet to find a woman that lives up to my standard of excellence. I am a model of perfection, where as every girl I have met has been riddled with imperfections. I despise imperfections, especially in women. I once was dating this girl named Sally. We were on our way to the Gap, when she made the mistake of saying she like Burger King. I was repulsed. I only eat healthy foods, therefore I could not stomach the idea of dating some one who fills her body with unhealthy crap like Burger King. I stopped the car and told her to get out. She was in tears, I drove away. Another time, I was dating a girl who started singling along to a Britney Spears song in the car, I immediately turned off the radio and said, "Stop singing, you have a horrible voice. Don't mock Britney Spears!" Then I insisted she pull over, so I could walk to the nearest bus station.
Well, that's all I have for now. I hope there are some lovely ladies out there looking for a perfect male such as myself to sweet them off their feet; be sure to have a flawless profile or else I won't accept you.


PS: I'm currently low on cash, so if you could pay for the first couple of dates, that would be much appreciated.

Point:

Guys, can we stop off for a few snacks? I'm hungry and I didn't eat any thing before we headed out. Please, it will only take a few minutes. I can't watch a Packer game on an empty stomach.

Later....

Let's see, what do I need? Ah yes, a loaf of bread, some ham, and delicous potato salad. EWWWWW, look a container of coleslaw on sale of a dollar eighty five! I hope the guys don't leave me behind like they did last time.

Later......

Guys I'm done. GUYS? GUYS? OH VERY FUNNY GUYS!

Counter-point:

Oh crap, we left John back at the grocery store again. Should we turn around and get him?

No time, the game is about to start.

It doesn't start for another forty five minutes.

OK, I don't want to turn around and pick up his fat ass, he can walk! Believe me, we all win in the long run; John will get some much needed exercise and I will save money on gas.

The memoirs of My Father, the Packer Backer

Part I: The Packer Game

ALL RIGHT THE PACKERS ARE ON TODAY! ALL RIGHT! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE BRETT FAVRE AND THEM PACKERS WIN THEM VIKINGS! GO GREEN BAY!

Later.........

COME ON FAVRE! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? YOU CALL THAT A THROW? COME ON FOCUS! FOCUS, DAMN IT! What are they doing now? Why are you running it on third and fifteen? THAT'S JUST FUCKIN' STUPID! OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, HE FUMBLED THE BALL! It's just like the Packers to ruin a two touch down lead. Where's the beer? I need a drink. THEY DON'T DESERVE TO WIN!

Later.....

Well, the Packers proved once again that they are the awesome team. Sure, they made mistakes, but in the end they proved to be the victor. GO GREEN BAY!

(Note: This is not a picture of my father.)

I expressed my love for Buster Keaton a few post back. However, I did not do enough justice to the GREATEST comedian of all time. What is amazing about Buster Keaton is how well his films still hold up. The General, Sherlock Jr., Our Hospitality, and The Navigator still are funny after 70+ years; at times they completely mesmerizing in how well constructed and timed they are. Very few films have surpassed The General. Buster Keaton is my favorite comedian of all time. I prefer Keaton to Charlie Chaplin, mainly because Keaton doesn't try as hard to make you like his character. Chaplin is always look for sympathy, at times his techniques are enough to induce vomiting, especially in his film Limelight. Don't get me wrong, Chaplin was an incredible talent; Moderns Time and City Lights are two of my favorite films, it's just that I prefer Keaton's more subtle touch. Not to mention Keaton's films generally fly at a much faster pace, often he doesn't give you time to catch your breath. If you have not seen any Buster Keaton film, then I recommend you either rent a few, or try to catch them when they are showing on Turner Classic Movies. Don't let the fact that they are silents turn you off; they are far more visually exciting that most movies now a days. End.

10 Favorite Things on the Planet

1. Being an uncle, because it gives me an excuse to play with toy cars. Not to mention, I can warp the minds of my nephew and niece. Ha Ha Ha!
2. Doing moronic dance moves with friends.
3. Women who aren't afraid of me.
4. Women who don't like movies. I'm a film studies major; the last thing I want to talk about when I'm with a woman is movies.
5. Women who like to dance.
6. Stuffing my face at family get togethers.
7. Good DVDs that are on sale.
8. Sleep.
9. Having a blog where I can spew out pointless rants that no one really cares to read about.
10. Music, particularly classic rock, 80s rock and old school punk rock.

The Greatest Franchise of ALL TIME:
In the 80s, the cinema was populated with machete wielding psychos, bad music, and Police Academy movies. From 1984 to 1989, six Police Academy films were made, which resulted in countless imitations and a short lived cartoon series based off the hit films. In 1994 the producers tried to revive the franchise with Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, despite the sheer brilliance of the idea, the public seemingly had enough of the franchise. Not me though, they could make ten more Police Academy movies and I would be dumb enough to buy all of them, especially if Steve Guttenberg reprised his role as Mahoney. The writing was far from brilliant, the acting was less then great, the comedy often fell flat; despite all of these weaknesses, the Police Academy films had a great deal of energy to them, you got to admire a franchise that is willing to stick to a re-occurring joke in which a character unwittingly walks into a gay bar (even though the joke wore out its welcome at the end of the first film). There's something oddly enduring about Captain Harris constantly shouting,"MAHONEY" thirty times through out each film and always failing in his scheme to bring down the Police Academy. Then there's Jones constantly making sound effects with his mouth, always fooling criminals into thinking they are surrounded by police, or that they are fighting a super human being. Finally, who can forget the clue less Commandant Lassard (played by George Gaynes, who delighted millions of TV viewers as Henry on Punky Brewster), who despite being a complete moron managed to keep his job at the academy. The best scenes always involved him talking to his gold fish and nearly killing it in the process. The Police Academy series will always have a special place in my every growing, cynical heart. Go out and rent all seven! You will either be pleasantly surprised, or you will want to kill the first person you come in contact with. Either way, it is quite an experience.